Good Guy

This story isn’t nearly as traumatic as so many rapes are, but it is something that still affects me a year later so I am hoping sharing will help. Last summer I had just moved into my new bedroom apartment. I hadn’t been socializing too much, I was dealing with a depressive episode. I decided to go out on a Tuesday to a sports bar to meet my friend’s new boyfriend. Her friend from college “Jim” that she’d known for 10 years was also there. We relocated to a beer garden to play cornhole. So it was my friend and her bf on one side and me and Jim on the other. We all had a good time. Jim and I had a good conversation, he seemed cool but I wasn’t attracted to him, I wasn’t flirting. I had 2 ciders, I was on Lexapro at the time so I knew I couldn’t drink much, 2 over a few hours was fine, I was a bit buzzed but fine. Then one of the guys bought a round of shots, and I knew I didn’t want it but I didn’t want to be a downer so I had it. About a half hour later we were leaving, I had ordered my uber to go home and the other 3 were going to take the train back to my friend’s house. The drinks hit me all at once and I thought I was about to puke so I went to the side of the building. I didn’t, but I knew I was going to be sick later. When my uber got there, J got in with me, I didn’t think much of it except that he was going to make sure I got home okay. I had to have the uber pull over so I could puke. And I puked again outside my building. I wasn’t really with it, I don’t think I said anything to Jim except maybe “thanks” at the door because I assumed he’d uber back to my friend’s apartment. But he came in with me. When I got into my apartment I beelined straight to me bed and just pretty much passed out (fully clothed, sandles and all). I then feel Jim get in bed next to me and put his hand in my pants. I was half conscious but I froze up. I think I figured if he realized I was asleep he’d stop fingering me, but he didn’t right away. My cat started meowing like crazy and jumping all over him and that’s when he left. He left me a note that said “Stay golden” (Outsiders?) And then requested me on instagram the next day. Obviously, it wasn’t physically traumatic like they can often be. But the unsettling feeling still lingers, I haven’t been with a guy or dated in over a year since this happened. I was trying to pull myself up by getting out of the house, and it sucked. And I hate that he seemed like a nice person. And I wish I had done more (stopped him at the door, spoken up, not taken the shot.)