Groomed

Hi my name is Jemimah. I am now 30 years old. Since the ages of 5/6 years old I was sexually interfered with. When I was 14.5 years old. I met a Spanish Man living in London at a Spanish speaking religious convention. His name was Osmar Jose Fernandez. He told me I he was 20. But he was in fact 28/29 years old. I was excited that he gave me his attention and liked me out of all the hundreds of girls that day.

Over the weeks and months he would call me and invite me to visit him in London from Yorkshire. I would stay at a “safe house.” It was a home of Columbians a family of four whom Osmar had befriended. He’d collect me from the train station. And then he’d drive me to his shared house. He’d take me to his room and I would have to perform sexual acts as I was not old enough I have sex with he made me touch him sexually and videoed me touching myself. As the year drew on and I reached my 16th birthday he changed and kept promising to make out relationship public within the religious community but he never did. He promised to introduce me to his family and he never did. He acted childishly and wanted me to prove I cared about him. And to prove that he’d book cheap hotels around London and sodomize me. I became ill because of the assaults and I was confused. So I decided I didn’t want to be with him.

I tried on several occasions to leave him. But each time he would black mail me. First with “things” then with money into my bank account. Then he swore to tell me whole family and publicly humiliate me. I felt I had no escape. After living and working in Spain for some time.

I was now 18, and he contacted me and apologized about what he’d done over the years. I am a compassionate and forgiving person, I accepted his apologies and to make up for it he wanted to take me on holiday and to meet his parents. So, in the October of 2004, I went on holiday with him. But it appeared very quickly he hadn’t changed. He became moody and very jealous of any attention I was receiving. He told me I had to hold his hand and that I was making him look stupid just walking next to him. I said I didn’t see why as we were friends.

Back at the first hotel of the four we stayed at. He asked me to sexually gratify him with my hands on him. I didn’t want to. But I just did it as he was very moody. Then on the second hotel, he wanted me to give him oral. I didn’t want to but in the night he kept coming to my bed (we had separate beds) and masturbating. He said if I didn’t like it I would have to make him stop. I was very uncomfortable and anxious. And so I obliged him.

At the third hotel he became aggressive and was forcing himself on me. But he stopped only after a guest complained about his shouting. On the last hotel. Before the rape he took me out for a drink and spiked it. When we got back to the hotel I slumped on my bed and he said I couldn’t go to bed dressed and said he’d help me. I knew at that point there was no way out and pretended I was falling asleep. But he pushed me on my stomach onto the bed and yanked my trousers down. He kept telling me over and over it was my fault. I wanted to scream and I asked him to stop. Over and over but then my spirit left my body and I felt so weak. My insides tried their best to protect me. I clenched all my muscles but the more I tried to fight against him the more aggressive and violent the rape was. In my head, all I kept thinking was I’m being raped and it’s all my fault. My focus point through the rape was the balcony window and the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks outside. It was night and the white net curtain that was blowing freely was like an angel. I knew after he was done I was going to run and through myself over the balcony so I could be free. But I didn’t and only after he was done. I crawled to the bathroom and locked myself in the bathroom all night vomiting. He kept knocking on the door asking what was wrong and that I didn’t seem right. I said I wanted to go home. And he said I couldn’t as he had my passport. Then I said “you raped me, you raped me.” And he said he police won’t listen to me or believe me. And that now he had raped me no one would ever want me or love me. He kept saying it over and over.

After, I had a nervous breakdown five months later. I told the police. They told me I am a pretty girl and I should expect that. And that it’s a long process and it would only make me feel worse. I know he did it to two other women and they said they had mental health issues. Now at 30 I mostly respect myself. But it still hurts and I can never get to sleep ever.

— Jemimah