I was young. I was your average 3rd grade girl, I was outgoing and was pretty active, It went on for a year, maybe a bit more. I was 7, she said it was a game. Shes 3 years older than me, so I know she knew it was wrong. I keep telling myself things like “I didn’t tell her no” “I’m over reacting” “I wanted it” I don’t know what to think anymore. This whole situation affected me to the point of me litterally blocking it. It all came rushing back when I was reading this story, a story of a girl who had gotten molested by a family member. I feel guilty, and disgusting. This came back to me only a couple months ago and it’s been a couple years since the incident. I haven’t been able to tell anyone or anything and I don’t think I ever will, I want too but I can’t. I can’t imagine the look on either of parents face, what’d they say. Maybe some day I’ll be able to tell them, maybe I won’t. I can’t make myself confront her either. I see her twice a month, it’s painful. I’ve become quiet and shy. Ive never stopped feeling that I need someone. This affects me so much in my life now, I constantly worry and tell myself that I’ll never have any of my firsts, I’m embarrassed and ashamed of my body. I tell myself now that I’m making it worse than it is. I don’t know what to think or do anymore. I try to get involved, and I try to do things, I try to be outgoing, but I just can’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.. I’ve isolated myself and the only people I can talk to are my best friend, my moms side of the family, and my half brothers. Thats it. I just I can’t keep a conversation going, I don’t know how. This situation cause me to question myself and my sexuality. I know for a fact that I am straight. I don’t find interest in girls at all, I just– I want to tell someone, this weighs down on me, every single day of my life, but I can’t, I don’t want them looking at me like I’m different, I don’t want anyone knowing. That sounds confusing and I’m sorry about that. I just wanted to say something, even if I am anonymous.
— Survivor, age 16
I feel the same way like I don’t know what to feel or think anymore
Hey I’m 19 and in college at this point. I was raped or molested(it still confuses me) by my stepsister when I was 5, and I had been denying that it happened for the last 14 years. Honestly, it was something I planned on taking it to my grave. I have been recently coming to terms with it(like this past couple of months recently) , whether healing and moving forward is possible. It’s SO hard, and it’s something that claws at your insides if you let it.
But I say all of this to say, please don’t give up. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t be mad at yourself for what you’re feeling. What you are feeling is important. You are important. You are not alone. Actually your story has given me some perspective and inspired me to keep going to help people like you, like us
And hey, don’t like this keep weighing on your heart. It’s best you tell someone but it’s even more important that you find an outlet. Whether that be writing, running, or break dancing…yeah
There’s hope on the other side.
Just keep swimming
Wow, I would never think that someone would have the same story as me. I was molested by my uncle. I know how you feel 100% and yes its hard but one day you will be able to voice your experience. Just take it one step at a time. I hope everything works out. Good luck
Dear survivor – thank you so much for posting your story here. I am SO proud of you for posting this. A couple of things – you have nothing to be ashamed of and what happened to you WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!! You never consented and that is enough. As for telling people, that can be a really hard decision, especially when it’s someone in your family. I would encourage you to tell someone if it’s something you want. You could try calling a rape crisis hotline (if you click on the “Get Help” section of this page, the numbers are there); it’s anonymous and can be a good way to at least “practice” talking about what happened to you. Maybe you could also try a school counselor or a teacher you trust? Or your friend? Remember that you don’t have to give all the details at first; you don’t even have to say who did it. But just sharing some can be so healing and hopefully sharing can eventually get you into therapy, which can help you with the isolation and the confusion you’re experiencing. There is nothing wrong with you; everything you’re feeling is common following what you’ve experienced. You’re hurting but you can heal. I believe you and I believe IN you! Love, Alexis
I know how you feel inside girl! Please don’t give up! I recently started counseling and it has helped a lot just having someone to confide in. I know my experiences were not as bad as what many of you have gone through but there is hope I promise.