I was young. I was your average 3rd grade girl, I was outgoing and was pretty active, It went on for a year, maybe a bit more. I was 7, she said it was a game. Shes 3 years older than me, so I know she knew it was wrong. I keep telling myself things like “I didn’t tell her no” “I’m over reacting” “I wanted it” I don’t know what to think anymore. This whole situation affected me to the point of me litterally blocking it. It all came rushing back when I was reading this story, a story of a girl who had gotten molested by a family member. I feel guilty, and disgusting. This came back to me only a couple months ago and it’s been a couple years since the incident. I haven’t been able to tell anyone or anything and I don’t think I ever will, I want too but I can’t. I can’t imagine the look on either of parents face, what’d they say. Maybe some day I’ll be able to tell them, maybe I won’t. I can’t make myself confront her either. I see her twice a month, it’s painful. I’ve become quiet and shy. Ive never stopped feeling that I need someone. This affects me so much in my life now, I constantly worry and tell myself that I’ll never have any of my firsts, I’m embarrassed and ashamed of my body. I tell myself now that I’m making it worse than it is. I don’t know what to think or do anymore. I try to get involved, and I try to do things, I try to be outgoing, but I just can’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.. I’ve isolated myself and the only people I can talk to are my best friend, my moms side of the family, and my half brothers. Thats it. I just I can’t keep a conversation going, I don’t know how. This situation cause me to question myself and my sexuality. I know for a fact that I am straight. I don’t find interest in girls at all, I just– I want to tell someone, this weighs down on me, every single day of my life, but I can’t, I don’t want them looking at me like I’m different, I don’t want anyone knowing. That sounds confusing and I’m sorry about that. I just wanted to say something, even if I am anonymous.
— Survivor, age 16