Hated Myself

I was 15 years old when I came from school waiting for a taxi to go home. Normally that taxi spot is always busy but that specific day there was a witness with no one in site when suddenly 3 guys came from across the road making as if they are also waiting on a taxi. They robbed me took my cellphone, money, jewelry… pointing a gun at me I was so scared to shout. The one asked me did I ever had sex and I said no…his reply to me was he will show me what sex is. He pulled me in the bushes pushed me on the ground pointing the gun at me if I shout he shoots me. He raped me. I was so in fear he might kill me. He felt me and ran away. I felt so dirty, hated myself thought it’s all my own fault. I reported it at the police station after 2 weeks that guy was caught and the court cases was running for 2 years when he somehow got hold of my house address and came there to kill me… thinking if he kill me there won’t be any court case. He stabbed me 3 times in my neck 2 times on my shoulders as I passed out he most probably thought I was dead but to God be the glory for the blood of Jesus never loose its power.

After that I the court cases still proceeded and I lost the case due to the rapist paid the police officer ….

I couldn’t forgive myself, I couldn’t forgive the rapist. I tried several times to commit suicide but was always unsuccessful. God has a other plan for my life. I questioned God. I asked what I did wrong to deserve this. God had to speak to me telling me my test is my testimony to be an encouragement to many people out there. God has been good to me and it’s all because of God’s grace I am a survivor. The test that you are going thru is your testimony. Don’t give up Don’t give in don’t commit suicide. Jesus loves you unconditionally.

— Survivor, age 29