This is my first time sharing my story and revealing how I really feel about it. I am 24 years old now and I have lost both parents before the age of 10. We were 7 girls and one boy, but now we left only 3 girls and the boy it hurts)…when I was 8 yrs old, my father had passed on already and some of my sisters were very far working and some still in school. My brother was the lazy one,after his high school I don’t remember him working. My mother was trying and with the help of my sisters we survived. On every Thursday she used to go to some women gathering events at church,and when I come from school my “brother” would have to babysit me that is when none of my sisters were around him and his friends used to drink alcohol and smoke very strong stuff on each day. Although I have been broken and hurting ever since then, I cannot remember the whole thing. I don’t want to remember, because my brother and his friends destroyed me,they made me an adult when I was still suppose to be a kid. He would take me to his friends house where they were smoking their weed…the picture of that house can never be forgotten in my mind. It was a very small and pink painted house….with a stoop of 3 stairs. The very clear words I can remember him telling his friends are “if only one could marry their own sister”, its when I suffered from an STI. Can you imagine going through that at 9 years old after my mother had passed on. One of my sisters decided to take me to a doctor where she was told I was sexually active, and who ever that man was, he was an adult. The problem is I feel no one in my family wants to hear the story. I am still hurting and have no one to talk to. I hate my brother so much. I cannot stand him. I do not feel anything whenever he is in any kind of trouble, but everyone else seems to not even manage to sleep or eat when he needs something especially money. No one has ever tried asking me about this. Sometimes I feel maybe they blame me…I just need some peace of mind. I just need not to be heart broken. I don’t know what to do.
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You sound like a very very strong women,you have inspired me with your story. It is very sad that I have been crying reading it,I just want you to know that probably your sisters are hurting too that they can not tlk aabout it. Please get some help, it will destroy you even more if you keep keeping it I side. I am so proud of you
I am so incredibly sorry to hear this. I will continue to speak out about rape and the violence of it in hopes that what happened to you will not continue to happen. Know you are not alone and there are hundreds of people out there who want to help you.
I just want to say that you are very brave – sharing your story for the first time takes a lot of strength. As far as what to do, I wish there was a handbook. I wish there was a map. There isn’t. I will say that finding someone to talk to can be really, really helpful. If it’s not someone in your family, maybe a close friend? You could also try calling a hotline (there are numbers in the “Get Help” section of this website) or looking for a counselor. Talking about the way you’re feeling out loud and having someone respond to you can help you move through your feelings. And remember, YOU are in control of how much or how little you tell and what you talk about. You don’t have to answer any questions you don’t want to and no matter what, in case you need to hear this, it is NOT YOUR FAULT!!! Sending you love and support! Alexis