He Took Advantage of Me

One night about 2 months ago I was at a party (it was a “Welcoming the Summer themed party) and a guy that had a huge crush on me was also there. We were all drinking and having a good time talking to everyone at the party. Near the end of the party I went out to the front porch to have a cigarette and the guy who had a crush on me followed me out there and it was just the two of us talking and smoking. When I got up to go back inside he grabbed and pulled me so forcefully towards him that I had to straddle his legs so as not to fall on top of him. He then started feeling me up which quickly led to him putting his hands up my dress and into my swim suit bottoms at which point he tried to stick his fingers inside of me. When he did that I pulled away and told him I needed to get back to the party. At the time he didn’t seem very upset and I immediately told my friend who was hosting the party what had just happened. We kinda just laughed it off and didn’t think too much of it thinking it was probably just a drunken antic. I had been “friends” with this guy on Facebook for awhile and he would message me a lot, but after that night he sent me a pretty vulgar message to which I replied that I was not interested in him and that he should really think and be more careful about what he says to girls. He responded by saying he only sent that message to get my attention, which only angered me more. It made me mad because every human being has the right to reject sexual advances at any time regardless of what has happened in the past. He went on to slut shame me because I “let” him take advantage of me. I didn’t asked to grabbed and pulled forcefully, but I just tried to be nice about it and brush it off as a drunken occurrence. His messages were so angry, like I owed him something just because I’m a nice person to everyone. This guy ALWAYS mistakes niceness as flirting and as a signal that a girl wants more from him. Like I said, we all have the right to reject someone’s advances regardless of what’s happen in the past. He would not take responsibility for his actions and so I blocked him on Facebook and haven’t seen or heard from him since, but it still angers me to this day that he took advantage of the fact that I had been drinking and then thought I wanted more or a relationship with him, which I did not. I’m angry that he thought sending a vulgar message was the only way to get my attention. I told him I don’t go on Facebook very often and even if I did, I can choose when/if I want to respond to my messages, which he thinks is rude. He wonders why he’s single (even though he’s got 3 kids with 3 different women………….hmmmmm, I wonder why!?!), but he doesn’t realize he acts like a total creeper sometimes and says a lot of random things. I’m pretty sure he’s got some kind of brain damage be cause he obviously doesn’t respect the boundaries of others. Even before this event he would come up behind me and squeeze/tickle my “love handles” and his whole personality is just completed awkward. Just because I’m nice, helpful, and a little flirty doesn’t give anyone the permission to touch me without my consent. All the friends in the group agree with me and have supported me since the incident and I don’t know for sure, but it seems they no longer invite him to hang out whether I’m there or not simply because of his inappropriate behavior and awkwardness. I’m so thankful to have friends who care so much about me even though they didn’t witness what happened because they know I would never lie about such a serious problem. I’ve never told my parents, so my friends are the only ones who know and that’s ok with me. The worst part is that he tried to make me feel guilty by saying I lead him on when it’s my right as a human being to say no at ANY point. No matter what a girl lets a guy do, she ALWAYS has the right to stop what is going on and say no and guys are NEVER entitled to anything even if she let you before. It’s MY body and I will say no whenever I want to because no one owns me and I don’t owe anything to any man. I wish I could tell this guy off, but as long as I never see or hear from him again is good enough for me. I just want girls to know that no man has the right to assault them and that they can say no at any point in a situation and if the guy is going to be butt hurt about it, then that’s not the right guy for ANY girl!

— Shelby, age 31