He Was a Cop

Just writing this brings tears to my eyes. It’s still so raw to me even if it was two years ago. I was 18 and I started dating this cop I had make at my gas station job after he’d contacted me on Facebook. I’d liked him for so long I couldn’t believe he actually liked me. Whenever we’d text he’d always ask me did I want to ride out with him after duty. I turned him down but I finally said yes one night. We we’re supposed to stay in town but he took me across state lines when we were only supposed to talk. I was hoarse with a bad cold I even left my glasses but he drove me an hour and thirty minutes from home. He was so off that night and he scared me. He looks scary. He got mad at me and took my phone away from me even before we got to that place. He took his truck down a trail in the woods and parked. We’d talked on the way there. We were still supposed to talk but he wanted more. So many questions race d my head. Did he have a gun? Would he kill me? I kissed him at first but then he started to get serious and I didn’t want to. He promised me before we left my house there would be no sex. But he took out a condom and I was speechless and hurt. I froze. He positioned me how he wanted and I was so scared he’d hit me if I said anything. I was a virgin But I thought maybe I should lose it. But no this wasn’t right. I told him to please don’t hurt me and I pushed his shoulders but he forced himself inside of me. I was so small he couldn’t force himself all the way in so I tried to close my legs and I was still pushing him but he told me to open my legs up and I wouldn’t do it. So he threw my arm out of the way and he forced my thighs apart with his knees then he forced himself all the way inside of me. It hurt so bad and I cried and spaced out. I just wanted him to stop hurting me but he wouldn’t. I just wanted to get home I wanted to live. He looked so evil on top of me I closed my eyes until he was done. I was in so much pain I had purple bruises everywhere. He told me nobody would believe me because we dated and he was a white 23 year old cop and I was an 18 year old black girl. He lied and told me he was 21. He had to drive me back home and he had the audacity to ask me was I still his friend. I had purple bruises down my whole spine from him pressing me so hard against the middle compartment. I was so sore down there and there was blood from where he tore my hymen. I crawled in the middle of my bed at 3a.m. crying myself to sleep because I knew I had lost who I was. He would still come to my job and I’d have to hide I would shake so bad. He would follow me through town if he was on duty and saw me driving. He would drive past my house. And I was always scared he’d pull me over late at night and hurt me again or come to my home and rape me or kill my father. I never got justice and now he’s still a cop in another town 45 mins away. He even got an underage girl pregnant and no-one did anything. He hurt so much and he’s still respected. Sorry my story was so long. But thank you.

— Daisha