He’s Your Husband, It’s Not Rape

I was married and had 2 children. It was 1974, our children were 3 1/2 and 1 year old and we were both 24 when we separated and began divorce proceedings.
I asked for $200 a month for child support no alimony. I was to keep all household items and he’d take our car and buy me one later. I mention the car because it’s important to my story.
A few months later we set up a time to go look at cars. I dropped the kids off at a friends apt. she was excited that we were going out together. I mention that because it is important later.
It was late afternoon and he suggested we get something to eat before looking for cars. We found a place and they had a band. While eating he began to drink and asked me to dance. While dancing he’d brush his hands on my breast and I’d push him away. I kept asking him when are we going to look for a car it’s getting late he never answered and proceeded to get drunk.
We left, it was getting dark so I knew there was no looking for the car.
He said he’d just bought a new stereo and wanted to give me an old one.
We went to his place he told me it was in the closet on the top shelf in his bedroom. I went in there reached for it and he grabbed me from behind and through me on the bed. He began slapping me ripping at my clothes and raped me over and over again each time I’d scream he’d slap me again. At one point I asked him to please let me go to the bathroom. He followed me. He stood with his penis in my face while I relieved myself. The rape continued and he finally tired and we left his place. All the way home I had my hand in the lever to open the door should he reach for me. I was ready to jump out I didn’t care I was so afraid, scared sick in shock and more it was just awful!!!!!! I didn’t care I just wanna go to my babies!!!!
When we got back, he followed me to the apartment to pick up my kids following behind me yelling “you wanted it.” We arrived at my friends house she saw me brought me inside and slammed the door. He continued to yell outside for awhile then left. She felt horrible for encouraging me to go. We stayed up all night, she nursed my wounds, gave me new clothes and went to the store to get me some sort of pill to calm me down.
The next day he called and asked what had happened because there was a bloody tampax on the floor. I told him “YOU RAPED ME.” He said he didn’t remember and please don’t say anything he could loose his job. He was a California Highway Patrolmen. I never said a word to his boss for fear I’d loose my child support.
A few days later I was at a friends house and told her what happened. Her husband over heard the story and said to me “he’s your husband, it’s not rape.” To this day will never forget hearing that. It was if I was victimized all over again.
He never raped me again but I had to continue seeing him when he picked up the kids. I would never ever be alone when he would pick them up or drop them off.
He got away with it, I was to afraid to speak out.
I’m soon to be 67 and it still is an awful memory in my life one I will never forget. Thankyou for letting me share. It’s very healing your documentary allowed me to do this.