I honestly don’t know how to start this. Before the rape ever happened I had a crush on my father’s wife nephew. The most I have ever done with him was kiss him and harmless groping. This brings me to my rape story it started on a normal day. I remember being at my father apartment complex that he managed. On this day I was barely getting out of the shower. I went into my dad’s room to dry off. When my dad walked into the room I was still naked. He told me lay down on the bed. Him being my father I did what he told me to do. It’s these next few minutes that I will never be able to forget. While laying on the bed he talked to me while his finger entered me vaginally. He asked me “Why are you wet?” Me being a child and knowing nothing about sex I told him, “because I just got out the shower.” This went on for several minutes him talking to me while his fingers maneuvered in and out of me.
On multiple different occasions, he told me that he would take me to the police station and make them give me polygraph test to see if I was sleeping with his wife’s nephew.
After the rape occurred I buried it deep in me but I never forgot. I still went over to my fathers house for several years. I was always uncomfortable with him. I remember once he made me sleep in the same bed as him and I hated it so much. I scooted over all the way to the edge just so I wouldn’t be near him. It wasn’t until maybe a month ago that I finally told my family. I have held this secret within me for almost decade or more. I feel hurt, betrayed, disgusted, angry, and vulnerable. I’m no longer in contact with my father. We had a huge falling out in 2012 but he did attend my high school graduation in 2013; however, that is the last time I have seen him in person. My father’s wife has a daughter and I know if he could do this to me I know he had to do this to her. I want to ask but after the blow up we had in 2012, I know she wouldn’t want to talk to me.
I’m slowly trying to move on from what he created. I told my mother and I know it hurts her to know that the man she chose as my father could do this to his own flesh and blood. I don’t know how to heal her wounds. I can handle the pain I have but it tears at my soul to see my mother hurt. I never meant to hurt her.
My reason for writing this is to finally get this pain and hurt off my chest. I hid this ugly fact for so long and I don’t want to hide anymore.
— Survivor, age 20
Dear Survivor, I agree, I think putting trauma into words is the first step on the healing journey in most cases. Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are very strong and courageous, and I am so proud of you for bringing your voice and light to this issue. I wish you all the best and I thank you again.
Dear survivor, I agree with Maryrose. Putting trauma into words is a huge part of the healing process for so many people. I am really proud of you for sharing your story with the Brave Miss World community. It takes a lot of bravery to put your story into words in a public place, even if you do so anonymously. I want you to know that you did not cause any pain to your mother. All the pain that has been caused is by the person who inflicted the pain. Not you. I know it is hard to see your mother’s pain, but you didn’t cause it. I am so glad you got this off your chest. Know that we are all here standing in support of you. Light, love, and solidarity to you.