My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over two years. When we first started dating she told me that she had been raped and was very matter of fact about it. The only details she gave me was that it was someone in her family.
Fast forward a few months and she introduces me to her mother, step father, and siblings at a family dinner. Her parents where extremely nice and she seems to have a good relationship with both of them. Throughout the night though she seems to get more uncomfortable and when her mom says that we can spend the night (in different rooms) instead of making the almost two hour drive home she freaks out says we have to go. We leave and she doesn’t say anything all the way home.
I never pressed her for information until a few a few days ago when we went to visit them for her mothers birthday and she refused to stay the night again. I asked her why she freaked out the first time and why she refused there offer again. She wouldn’t talk to me. In the back of my mind i knew the answer. The way she always gets uncomfortable when she receives a text message from her step father saying she should come visit or when he hugged her at dinner that night and she became absolutely still. In some ways it fit and in others it didn’t. She speaks of him as though he could do no wrong, but also admits that he is flawed. She says that she loves how happy he makes her mom.
When I finally asked her if he was the one who raped her she just stared at me and nodded. When she finally gave me details I wanted to cry. He had not only raped her, but had molested her several times from as young as 5 and then off and on until she moved out on her 16th birthday to live with her biological father. At first she told me she didn’t remember it happening when she was little, but when he started doing it again it all came back to her. He had also threatened her saying that if she told he would divorce her mom who gave up her career to raise there children. She also told me that she was afraid he would do it to her younger sister who’s adopted.
I hate this man. I hate how he makes her ever present smile disappear and how he has made her feel insecure in her own body. I hate how she has nightmares about those nights and wakes up drenched in sweat. When I told her she should report him she said it would just tear her family apart. She said she was afraid her mother and her step siblings would hate her for putting him in jail. Truthfully I don’t know how to help her. Should I speak to someone? I don’t feel as though I can just let this go unsolved.