I got home from school, and mom was working. I was 12, and a latchkey kid.
I surprised a classmate of mine, who had broken into our home while I was at school.
He started it on the couch, and rapidly went for sex. I was a virgin until then. He would not stop or use any protection.
He left, and it seems I was the only thing he took.
When mom got home, she was mad at me, and wouldn’t call the police, or take me to be examined, or get help.
He was in my classes, and I could not get out of them. I soon found he got me pregnant, and I could not concentrate. Mom tried to get me in private school, but it was too expensive. Mom took me for home schooling, and arranged for me to get an abortion.
Nobody but us could know what happened.
A couple of years later, I met a boy at the fair, and he tried to get some. I froze in place, and when I came clear, he was already having sex. I guess it is the polite side of me that would not stop it at that point. He did not rape me, I just couldn’t say no, but he didn’t know that.
I will start college in the Spring. I think that will let me put it all behind me.
— Pheadra, age 17
Dear Pheadra – thank you so much for sharing your stories here. I’m so sorry that your mom wasn’t supportive; but nothing that happened to you was your fault. Even though you didn’t say no, you also didn’t consent to sex. The presence of consent is very important; it’s not just the absence of no. I’m so proud of you for sharing all of this with us; keeping it between you and your mom must be really hard. I am so glad to read you are starting college. I would encourage you strongly to see if your school has a counseling center that can help you deal with what you’ve been through. You shouldn’t have to carry all of this by yourself and everything you’re feeling is valid. Sending you love, light, and support. I hope you have an amazing college experience. Love, Alexis