I was 8 when I saw a man and a woman having sex, it happened while my cousin and his friend were watching a movie together. I didn’t understand what was happening at the time but that’s when I became obsessed with sex.
I use to only see my cousin when I visited my grandparents, and they would make us bath together and even sleep together, which wasn’t a big deal if mean we were only 9 at the time. One night we where sleeping together and I had on a nightgown, while sleeping in had no panties on that night and he took advantage of me. I don’t remember much but I do know that it did hurt.
The next day I pretended that nothing happened. I spent the next year blaming myself foright what happened answer tried to commit suicide.
I later became good friends with my other cousin when I was 12 and hexternal was 17. I was never a shy girl and so we talked about everything. We got really close and so one night when he was babysitting me and while I was doing homework, he kisse me. I was shocked but just ignored it. Later he took me to his room and made me lay in his bed while he had sex with me. My mom later found out and to protect him I denied everything.
It’s been years but it all still hunts me. I sleep with men to make my self feel better or in control, but every time I tell them no the just keep going and I end feeling more helpless and broken. I have never toldone people about this . I’m tired of this memory taking over my life and have tried to commit suicide 5 times. I don’t know what to do or what will help. All I know is that the feel of being ashamed of my self is only growing and my past is catching up to me. I feel empty day by day and I’m tired of putting on a mask everyday to the people I love. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
— Survivor, age 19
I was touched by my cousin too when I was ten. I have just now confessed, at the age of 13, and I cry myself to sleep every night. I have thought about auicide and I have self harmed Take it from a fellow survivor, speak up, confess. If not for yourself, do it for the others that the bastard might hurt. My cousin is a teacher and I fear he may have been doing it to other kids.
I really hope you don’t tale your life. Tell your mum. I hope whatever you do you feel at peace, and I hope you remember that with your body it is your Rules. Don’t forget that.
Fellow survivor
I’m so so so sorry! First thing you need to do is STOP SLEEPING WITH RANDOM MEN! They will just keep taking advantage of you. Call a therapist, a Hotline, just TELL SOMEONE!!
I’m here for you if you need anything. Hugs and prayers go out to you!
There’s even a GET HELP option in the Menu of THIS VERY WEBSITE! Go up to menu, go down to where it says “GET HELP”
Click on it and it will tell you the rest 🙂
*hugs* I hope this helps! I wish I could do more to help you.
Dear survivor – first of all, thank you for posting your story here. I hope it felt like letting us carry a little bit of the weight for you. The shame you’re feeling is his; what happened to you WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! I would encourage you to slowly start to take off that mask. It’s so hard but it can be so worth it. You could start by talking to a therapist about what happened or start with a friend or family member you trust. You don’t have to tell everything right away. YOU are in control of your story. It seems counter intuitive that talking about what happened would help you not think about it, but in my experience it does. I’m not saying shout it from the rooftops (necessarily) but having people who love you be able to support you makes a world of difference. Love, Alexis