I don’t know what to think

This isn’t rape. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what to think or feel or even how to act around him. I guess it started when my mom went on vacation and left me and my step dad at the house. He would sleep with me and I didn’t think much of it…until I would wake up in the middle of the night to him cuddling me close. He would have his leg over mine. I stayed up for hours to scared to sleep until I eventually fell asleep. Now after that everytime I would fall asleep with my mom he would touch me, not touch my private parts but he would touch my legs and I would wake up in the middle of the night to that and pretend I was still sleeping like a coward. He would always wake up the next morning and be extremely nice to me. This kind of went on not often at all but it would happen. I didn’t know what it was I still don’t. But a couple weeks ago it happened again I fell asleep and he just so happened to be next to me, I woke up again around 3pm to him touching my leg I Got up and he immediately acted like he was sleeping. I got my phone and went to another room, the next morning he came by me and gave me money, I took it and pretended like nothing happened. I didn’t think anything of it… I still don’t but every now and then I feel sick to my stomach thinking of how scared EVERY time I would wake up and pretend like I was sleeping, trying to stay as still as possible. I wish I had someone to talk to but no one would understand and would call me dramatic. So, for now, I’m pushing it to the back of my head. I could never tell anyone but I’m glad I can finally speak about it without anyone knowing.

— Survivor, age 16