As long as I can remember I have been raped by my biological father. I was at least 2 or 3 when it started and also started with my sister too. She never likes to talk about it.. I first came out with it when I was 10-11 to my cousin I told her not to tell anyone, the same thing has happened to her but different. All I could do as cry. All I could do was feel hopeless in my cousins arms. As the years pass I couldn’t take it anymore. I had just been raped the night before and I couldn’t help to keep it in anymore. I told my best friend what happened to me. He came into my room when my baby brothers and I were just about to fall asleep. hHe comes over to my bed all casual, lays with me then he starts touching my waist then my legs then in between my legs. (this is all happening when my baby brothers are laying in my dad bed across the room). He then flips me over on my stomach and just starts raping me. All I could say in my head was just “Jannie (my best friend at the time) please come help me help me please.” I wanted to scream so bad. I wanted to scream so my stepmom could know what was going on. After he was done he ran out the room…. after that I couldn’t understand. I was so in shock all I wanted to do was just kill him, all I wanted to do was just die. For a year and 9 months I was soooooo fucked up. constant court, it has been a constant reminder to me. it was court literally every other day..to this day I don’t know how I feel anymore. I know I shouldn’t let this whole situation take over my emotions and everything. I just feel like I’m so lost and I don’t know what to do. I’m 18 years old now and I’m fucking lost. To this day I’m not sure if I’ve moved on. I feel like I’m ready to talk to him about what happened. He was sentenced 37 years to life. I have no idea where my little brothers are at all. I haven’t talked to them until the police took me away. I keep trying to get in contact with them but my stepmom is too much of a bitch to let me see them because she STILL thinks I’m lying.
— Jazzlyn, age 18
Jazzlyn,
I want to start by saying that you are incredibly brave for coming forward about what happened to you, for going through the court process, and for sharing your story here. You said that you know you shouldn’t let this whole situation take over your emotions. Please know that what you are feeling and experiencing is valid and it is okay to express your emotions over what your father took from you. So much of the healing process is allowing yourself to feel. I believe that healing is possible, but I also know that it can take a long time. There are resources available that can help you process how you are feeling. One place to try is http://www.RAINN.org. They have great resources and an anonymous hotline you can call. You can get beyond this with the right tools. Finally, your stepmom might think you are lying, but I want you to know that I believe you. It may not mean much coming from a complete stranger, but I believe you.
Hi Alissa,
I am a mother of three daughters and one of my daughter has been assaulted by my estranged husband. I am in the middle of a bitter fight but I want to say I believe you and you continue to be strong.
Sister,
It’s never easy when no one believes you. You have to believe in yourself and your abilities, there’s a sweet future awaiting you to exploit. Pursue your dreams, when all is over family shall find you and your brothers will be proud of you.
I have to let you know that I believe you.