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I Don’t Trust My Father

As long as I can remember I have been raped by my biological father. I was at least 2 or 3 when it started and also started with my sister too. She never likes to talk about it.. I first came out with it when I was 10-11 to my cousin I told her not to tell anyone, the same thing has happened to her but different. All I could do as cry. All I could do was feel hopeless in my cousins arms. As the years pass I couldn’t take it anymore. I had just been raped the night before and I couldn’t help to keep it in anymore. I told my best friend what happened to me. He came into my room when my baby brothers and I were just about to fall asleep. hHe comes over to my bed all casual, lays with me then he starts touching my waist then my legs then in between my legs. (this is all happening when my baby brothers are laying in my dad bed across the room). He then flips me over on my stomach and just starts raping me. All I could say in my head was just “Jannie (my best friend at the time) please come help me help me please.” I wanted to scream so bad. I wanted to scream so my stepmom could know what was going on. After he was done he ran out the room…. after that I couldn’t understand. I was so in shock all I wanted to do was just kill him, all I wanted to do was just die. For a year and 9 months I was soooooo fucked up. constant court, it has been a constant reminder to me. it was court literally every other day..to this day I don’t know how I feel anymore. I know I shouldn’t let this whole situation take over my emotions and everything. I just feel like I’m so lost and I don’t know what to do. I’m 18 years old now and I’m fucking lost. To this day I’m not sure if I’ve moved on. I feel like I’m ready to talk to him about what happened. He was sentenced 37 years to life. I have no idea where my little brothers are at all. I haven’t talked to them until the police took me away. I keep trying to get in contact with them but my stepmom is too much of a bitch to let me see them because she STILL thinks I’m lying.

— Jazzlyn, age 18

3 comments

  • Alissa Ackerman
  • Nusrath Mohammed
  • Peter

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