The day before I started medical school this July, I went to meet a guy who had just moved to my town for a drink at a pub. I had been helping him find trails to walk his dog and seeing how work was going and offering him any advice I could. I had met him on a dating app (the first one I’ve ever tried) and we had been writing for two months. Just friendly stuff. I hadn’t met him earlier because I had been traveling all summer. The day before school started, he asked me to meet him for a drink. He didn’t greet me at the door nor did come find me when I arrived, but just told me to come outside and find him. Conversation was weird but friendly. He finally asked if I wanted to come meet his dog and have another drink. Because he has met one of my friends right before we left the pub and because he had a PhD and a good job and I felt like he had some social accountability towards me, I accepted and we went the short distance to his house. I sat in the floor and played with his dog and he walk into the living room with two drinks. I was a bit cautious because I was worried he may have put something in my drink, but I felt bad acting suspicious. As I sat down on the couch he did too, and immediately but his hand on my thigh. Again, I didn’t want to give the impression that I didn’t trust him so I didn’t do anything about it. Then, as soon as I put my drink down, he got on top of me. I told him to slow down and did my best to wiggle out from under him and get his mouth off of mine. I ran to the other side of the room but he followed and put his hand around my neck, pushing me against the wall. I look down and saw that he had pulled his thing out and it was erect. I don’t remember what he said, but I knew that I was to give him oral sex. Because I didn’t want him to rape me vaginally (I’m a virgin) I did. When it was over, he put on his boxers and left me naked on his bed (he had taken all of my clothes off). He then told me all about the difficult things he had been through recently, and I counseled him and tried to help him since he said he had left his marriage and his faith and felt empowered by his new life of sexual freedom. I felt like a demon was talking to me. Promptly at 10:30 he told me he had work and I had to leave, so I put on my clothing and left to my car. I wrote him later that I was sorry, I couldn’t help him more and that what he did really scared me. He blocked me so that I could not send anymore messages. I only reported when my best friend found out about what happened after I had been having a terrible time sleeping and being alone. Police officers came to get my story and now my case is in the hands of a wonderful detective. He has a lawyer and I’m so scared that I will be made out to be a horrible, dirty person. All I want is for him to not hurt anyone anymore. And I want him to get help and find his faith again, hopefully. I struggle a lot with embarrassment but mostly with guilt, that perhaps I took what happened too seriously or that perhaps nothing wrong actually happened. I’m grateful for the people that have come around me to support me, and just hope I can get through both this and school to help others.
— Survivor, age 24
Dear survivor,
Thank you for sharing your story. I know it can be hard to do so and I am glad that you did. Our brains have an ability to make things seems less serious than what they are. It is a really great coping mechanism when we have experienced something traumatic. Most survivors experience this. What he did to you is a crime and it took a lot of courage to tell the police. I hope that your wants come true – that he does not hurt anyone else and that he gets the help he needs. You did nothing wrong – he violated you. I am grateful you have supportive people around you. I will keep you in my thoughts. Light and love, Alissa