I Feel So Betrayed

February 20, 2015 for days before my 17th birthday. I got picked up by my cousins boyfriend to babysit their one year old. They drank and smoked marijuana and he had made mix me a drink. Their taxi came and got them and I was then left alone staying up talking to my boyfriend. They came home after midnight when I had just fallen asleep. They were drunk. He wakes me up but my cousin yelled at him to let me sleep. A few hours later he wakes me up and the house is quiet and my cousin is asleep in her room. He grabs a bottle of jack Daniels and two cups and says “get up and take some shots with me.” So I do, but after a few shots I kept telling him I didn’t want anymore and I was also fighting my sleep but he insisted that we finish the bottle. He’s telling me his life story and talking about birthday gift ideas for me because my mom was going to throw me a surprise party later on that day. All I remember is taking the last shot and knocking out. Then I started to wake up and he was gently creeping under my blanket getting closer and closer to my body parts. He started touching me then stops, gets up, checks the apartment then comes back gets back in his spot and slowly undresses me and continuously rapes me over and over. I was frightened and unresponsive. I felt paralyzed like I was just a rag doll. He would finish pull my pants back up leave but then come back multiple times. I kept my eyes closed I wanted to fight him off but I felt too embarrassed. All I did was scream in my head. I screamed over and over for god to help me or for my cousin to wake up and nothing happened. As he was raping me, he was taking pictures of everything. He finally walked away and didn’t come back and that was when I texted my friends an family hoping someone would be awake and text me back. I got ahold of two friends and after a while my aunt. I then again fell asleep and after a few more hours they were all awake in the kitchen. He was talking to my cousin and they both proceeded to comment on the length of my hair and what I wanted for my birthday. I was frantically on the floor gathering my things not taking my eyes off the ground. They asked me if I was ok and I said I was fine. He then leaves to go buy milk and I tell my cousin that my mom was coming to get me and she starts to ask why what’s wrong. So I told her she immediately called him in a panic. As I was walking outside he stopped me saying do you know what this is going to do to him (he was 28 at the time). I then had to go back to the house where I a cop was waiting to speak with me. As a minor I was mistreated by him. Several hours later I then went to the ER to get a rape kit done which included several std prevention medications a vaginal/anal swap and the plan b pill to prevent a pregnancy.
March 12th 2015, I found out I was pregnant. I decided to keep it. Look at my baby everyday and see him as a beautiful blessing. Since the incident I’ve been going to therapy once ever week. It’s almost a year later and he’s still not arrested and will probably never be because the detective that’s “handling” said that the only thing they’ll get him for is going to be giving a minor alcohol because I didn’t say no. Oh and I forgot to mention that my cousin is still with this guy. They’re engaged.