I was lucky. I went on a date with a man I met, and I wanted to play around and make out. I was not shy, or coy, or unclear. I straight up told him that we would not be having intercourse – but if he was okay with that, we could touch each other and have some fun.
He agreed, and we went back to his place. He enjoyed himself, and so did I. He even came twice without intercourse, and I’m thinking to myself – cool, this was fun.
Then he starts complaining – he wants more, and he wants real sex. I tell him no, that’s not what we agreed upon, and he starts trying to force the issue by grabbing me roughly. I got very mad – and I flipped him. I was taller and stronger than him, with a background in martial arts, and he was young, stupid and unarmed. I pinned him down and put his arm in a hold while I bitched him out and threatened to turn him into the police.
I should have, but I felt there was no point. He hadn’t successfully done anything to me, and we had just been having a consensual masturbation session. Breaking his arm rather than making it sore would have only had *me* breaking the law.
Instead I pinned him, wrenched his arm, and yelled at him until he was a blubbering wreck.
I was only lucky though. Lucky I was stronger. Lucky he wasn’t armed. Lucky he didn’t drug me. Lucky I didn’t freeze. Lucky I wasn’t outnumbered. Lucky I didn’t live in the same area and that I didn’t have to deal with running into him again.
There are many ways it could have gone sideways. Its possible he learned a lesson, but without the backing of police, who is to say.
— Survivor, age 34
Dear survivor -first, thank you so much for sharing your story. First, I want to say that your feelings are completely valid. You don’t have to discount your feelings because he wasn’t armed, didn’t drug you, etc. He tried to hurt you and that is scary and you are worthy of comfort and support and love. I’m really proud of you for sharing here and I hope you continue to grow and heal as you move forward. Love, Alexis