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I Hate My Father

I want to start by saying; it was not my father who raped me. It was New Years Eve, 08/09, I had just turned 16 and was on Holiday visiting my father. We were at the beach celebrating, until my father got really drunk. He is an alcoholic, which I didn’t know at the time. Because of his drunken state, he got in to a fight with someone half his age. I got so upset about this that I decided to leave and walk back to our hotel. On the way back I ran into this guy who worked at the beach. As he had shown what i thought was “innocent” interest in me (a few smiles and “how are you’s”). I didn’t think anything of it when he offered to give me a ride back to my hotel on his motorbike. But then we passed my hotel, and he kept being really casual, asking if I was feeling better now that I wasn’t around the noise of fireworks and people, which made me feel calm. When we got to his place he started pushing himself on me, saying that I needed to have sex with him, all of a sudden not caring about how upset I was. Even though I kept pushing him and was crying, it still happened. He dropped me off at my hotel afterwards, without saying anything he drove off. This had been the second sexual experience I had had in my life. I couldn’t fly home 2 days later because I kept throwing up and had muscle pains.. I never was close to my father again after this, I think I have subconsciously blamed him for whatever had happened.

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