Hi. I’m Marie and I’m 16 years old. I’m a victim of sexual assault. Rape. It happened when I was eleven years old. About a month before my 12th birthday. I knew this guy from a park I used to play in with my friends. He was a couple years older than me. One day I stole his baseball cap just for fun… I never knew what that little thing could lead to. Obviously, he was faster and stronger so he got me pretty fast and took it back. I laughed but he was pissed. When it was time to go home, I walked alone and it was dark, I didn’t realize he was following me. Then it happened. I didn’t exactly know what it was, but I remember that it hurt. God damn, it hurt so much. Every single day, from that day, it has crossed my mind at least once a day. I still have nightmares about that day. Fears, breakdowns, hauntings you name it… I will never live a normal life, well yes, to others of course. But never in my own skin. I don’t know if I’m ever going to feel home in my own skin. I was so young. It ruined me. I was so scared about everything, I didn’t tell anyone. It lead me into depression, self-harm and suicide attempts. Still didn’t tell anyone. It completely destroyed me from the inside out. One day I decided that I’m going to tell my best friend I’ve known for my whole life. It felt like throwing off a heavy stone from my shoulders. It helped me heal, at least a little.
Speak up, my survivors <3
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Dear Marie – thank you so much for sharing your story here. I am SO glad to read that you told your friend and that it felt like a step toward healing. I’m really proud of you for doing that. It must have taken a lot of strength. What happened to you doesn’t mean you can’t lead a normal life; it just means you need to heal. I would encourage you to find other people you trust to talk to – especially knowing about the self harm and suicide attempts. A therapist can help you find way to cope that, at least I’ve found, are amazing and help more than I ever imagined they could. Please know that I’m thinking of you and sending you lots of love!!! Alexis