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I Never Thought

What happened to me was horrible and I cannot change that but I can move on. I was raped. I went to go camping with him and then we ended up just staying inside. We were watching tv in the living room for a bit till his friend came home. Then we went in his room to watch tv where it was quieter. It was about 6pm then and when we started watching tv again he asked me if I wanted a drink (alcohol). And I told him no but he kept asking so many times over the next five hours. Finally, I just gave in because he wouldn’t stop asking me. This was the second time I had ever drank. I drank 5 mikes hard lemonades over about an hour and a half. Then ate some bagel bites. We had been cuddling the whole time while watching tv. Then after I drank all 5 of the drinks and then ate the food, we were kissing. Then after a few minutes he tried to take my pants off. I held them up. And he kept trying to take them off. He kept on doing it. At some point I gave up trying because once again he wouldn’t stop even though I kept telling him to stop it. I didn’t want him to do more than kiss me and cuddle. He then raped me. Then we went to sleep. He then wouldn’t take me home when I asked him to the following morning. I kept asking him and he finally took me home at 3pm. The time I was there and he wouldn’t take me home I tried to stay away from him. This is something I never thought would happen to me. He wanted to get married to me. He was nice and then it was like bam you’d never know what hit you. I had no reason to worry when I was with him, but now since then that’s all I do. I can’t get it out of my head. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I am afraid to see people places. I am afraid to say anything to anyone because I feel ashamed but I shouldn’t be because I have not done anything wrong. This will always be a part of me but it won’t be me. I will just become stronger and go forward.

— Olivia, age 19

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