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I Pretend Like I Don’t Remember…But I Do

Family friends came down for the holidays.
Lots of people I didn’t know…
I still don’t know.
There was one guy in particular (not mentioning names)
He seemed sweet. He was 16.
He was so nice to me.
Complimented me.

Something just seemed…off.
I was 13 at the time.
It was late at night we were in the kitchen talking.
He had asked me if I had ever gotten drunk.
Of course, I hadn’t so I said no.
He brushed the inside of my thigh with his index finger and said he had alcohol and thought I should experience at least being “tipsy.”
I denied at first but he insisted so I eventually gave in.
He gave me the worst tasting drink I’ve ever had.
He said taste doesn’t matter, effect does.
I thought it was odd he wasn’t drinking also, but I didn’t say anything about it. I didn’t really think much of it.
So I kept drinking…and there’s a big gap between there and when I woke up..
I was in bed, I don’t know how I got there.

I woke up and felt him.
I felt him you know.
I didn’t want to..at first I was confused .. But then I realized what was happening. I wish I didn’t wake up. I wish I didn’t remember. But I do.
I tried pushing him off but I my movements were sluggish and weak..
I tried speaking.. I tried to tell him stop, to get off of me and away from me.
But nothing came out when I opened my mouth.

He was hurting me and I couldn’t do anything about it.
I wish I didn’t remember.
I don’t want to.
But I do.

— Lexie, age 14

1 comment

  • Alissa Ackerman

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