I Remember How It Felt

I remember how it felt.
The way he violently caressed my hips as he vividly pressured my body firmly onto his.
I was innocently walking back to the parking lot to get to my car because the movie I was watching had just finished. The normal parking lots near the main entrance were full, so I ended up parking in a hidden place near the mall’s fire exit. I remember I was excited that I freely got to ride my new car. As I remember, it was about 11 PM and my house was not a long ride from here but it soon became an extremely long ride.

I don’t remember much but I had only seen half his face and couldn’t recognize him. He looked like a guy that seemed to be around his early twenties. I can remember counting the three blemishes I spotted on the right side of his face. He grabbed me from behind and hugged my stomach as he pressed his hand on my mouth to trap the screams. I was a virgin and was planning to wait till marriage. Of course, my dreams clashed down the hill as he slammed my face onto the hood of my own car, making me unconscious. After that hard hit, I remember he bent me over as I kicked his feet away and tried my best to push his arms away from my body. He tore me, ignoring my screams, begs and cries while he rubbed his hands all over me sexually. It hurt so much, whenever I remember I feel the pain as if it’s happening again. I remember him complimenting my figure and talking to me nicely as if he was doing nothing wrong. He even asked me how my outing was while I cried in pain. I remember him going extremely deeply while I bled because I had never put anything inside of me, not even a tampon, and he dryly raped me while I felt the horrible burning and bleeding between my thighs. My head was pounding so hard because he had banged my head on the car so many times.

He then threw me on the filthy ground, making my forehead bleed intensely. I was still unconscious but I could tell I was naked because he purposely took my pants. I was hurt but I couldn’t even feel the pain. My life started to flash before my eyes.

I remember my parents giving me extra attention when they found me, I remember being treated as if I was a sick person because the things that label who I am are hospital beds, anti-depressants, loneliness and pills. I remember having to show my womb to the doctor as she inspected what the filthy rapist had done to me. I remember watching my mum sit at the side of the bed, crying in shame, blaming herself. I also recall never seeing my dad as he was ashamed to look at what he believed was his fault. My sister forcefully took a gap year before university just because of me, and my six year old little sister isn’t getting any attention and love just because everyone is around me.