I was 16 and “in love”. I thought I knew the “love of my life”. He was so sweet to me how could someone like that hurt me? I was over his house and we were watching tv and cuddling. Then he started touching me and trying to take off my clothes. I told him no and that I didn’t want to, But he insisted. He didn’t listen I kept telling him no & he just kept on going like he didn’t even hear anything. I lost my virginity to him previously so I guess it didn’t matter to him cause he thought I’d always stay.
After he finished I dressed myself and just ran for the door. I refused to let myself think of it as rape. We’ve done it before & we love each other right? That can’t count as rape. But after reading some of these strong woman’s posts I realized I was wrong. If you say no that means no. No doesn’t mean keep going. If don’t have a say in if you want to have sex or not that’s rape.
I haven’t told anyone because I don’t want to be looked at like a victim. I’m scared if I tell someone it’ll go around and I’ll be known as a slut. I know that’s stupid stuff I shouldn’t care about, but I do. I also can’t bring myself to say it out loud. If I try it’s like a block comes up in my throats and I can’t speak.
— Amaya, age 17