I Shouldn’t Have Drank

My friend was throwing a party for me and two other friends. We all shared birthdays around the same time, so we celebrated them together. A lot of people I didn’t even speak to showed up. I was turning 15 and it was my first time drinking. Apparently I drank whole bottle of UV blue (Head Bottle). I didn’t last to long. I wasn’t feeling good so I just went into my friends living room and laid down. I VAGUELY remember walking down the road from her house with someone that sounded like they were on a skateboard. I was also recovering from a bad knee injury. I had tore my ACL and I was able to walk and slightly run but nothing TO physical. Next thing I remember was being at a park by my friends house. The park was gated so I don’t know how I got over the fence. I was in and out of consciousness the whole walk there. Last thing I remember was seeing someone on top of me. Thrusting in and out of me. I was left at the park naked. Clothes scattered. Knee brace off. I finally was able to regain consciousness and strength to get up. I went back to my friends house and went straight to the bathroom. Threw up all over. Pee’d my pants with blood coming out. I had lost my virginity in the freezing cold and was left there without any hesitation. I woke up the next morning and everyone knew. That didn’t know what happened but they knew I had sex with this kid. I didn’t realize I had been raped. I thought about this for years and till this day. I wonder if it was my fault and how I could have prevented it. I went to school with this kid, he was even in one of my classes and had to see his face each and every day of my sophomore year. I tell this story to girls who have struggled with being taken advantage of. I sound strong for them. But I am not strong myself. It effects me still. It makes me sad and mad. I’ve tried talking to someone but they didn’t sound like they actually gave a shit. They listened. But it was like they were only there for a paycheck. I’m a very insecure person. I think about suicide but I remember that life is a gift and I have to be strong. Eventually, I will accept and I will be stronger. I’m on the road to recovery.

— Survivor, age 18