My friend was throwing a party for me and two other friends. We all shared birthdays around the same time, so we celebrated them together. A lot of people I didn’t even speak to showed up. I was turning 15 and it was my first time drinking. Apparently I drank whole bottle of UV blue (Head Bottle). I didn’t last to long. I wasn’t feeling good so I just went into my friends living room and laid down. I VAGUELY remember walking down the road from her house with someone that sounded like they were on a skateboard. I was also recovering from a bad knee injury. I had tore my ACL and I was able to walk and slightly run but nothing TO physical. Next thing I remember was being at a park by my friends house. The park was gated so I don’t know how I got over the fence. I was in and out of consciousness the whole walk there. Last thing I remember was seeing someone on top of me. Thrusting in and out of me. I was left at the park naked. Clothes scattered. Knee brace off. I finally was able to regain consciousness and strength to get up. I went back to my friends house and went straight to the bathroom. Threw up all over. Pee’d my pants with blood coming out. I had lost my virginity in the freezing cold and was left there without any hesitation. I woke up the next morning and everyone knew. That didn’t know what happened but they knew I had sex with this kid. I didn’t realize I had been raped. I thought about this for years and till this day. I wonder if it was my fault and how I could have prevented it. I went to school with this kid, he was even in one of my classes and had to see his face each and every day of my sophomore year. I tell this story to girls who have struggled with being taken advantage of. I sound strong for them. But I am not strong myself. It effects me still. It makes me sad and mad. I’ve tried talking to someone but they didn’t sound like they actually gave a shit. They listened. But it was like they were only there for a paycheck. I’m a very insecure person. I think about suicide but I remember that life is a gift and I have to be strong. Eventually, I will accept and I will be stronger. I’m on the road to recovery.
— Survivor, age 18
Dear survivor,
Nothing about what happened to you is your fault. Nobody has the right to touch you without your enthusiastic consent. I want you to know that struggling with what happened does not make you weak. Your sadness and angry are completely valid and normal. That doesn’t mean you aren’t strong. It means you are a human being who was harmed in an unthinkable way and your feelings about it make sense. The fact that you are willing to speak to others about what happened to you means so much to them. So while you might not “feel” strong because you still struggle with it, know that admitting that takes courage. You are not alone and you fight on every day. You are a warrior in my book. Light and love to you, Alissa
Stay strong. Its not your fault. Never think about suicide. Talk to someone you trust. May God bless you.