CLICK BELOW FOR WAYS TO GET INVOLVED

CLOSE

Bring Brave Miss World to your community or campus
to spark conversation, awareness and change.

>> Click here to host a screening

Sharing your survival story can inspire others who may be
victims of sexual assault to receive the help they need.

>> Click here to join the conversation

Buy a T-Shirt or make a donation and be part
of the solution for rape awareness and prevention.

>> Click here to make a donation
>> Click here to buy a t-shirt

I Still Blame Myself

It goes back to November 2013. I cheated on my long-term boyfriend. He didn’t find out until February of 2014. However, one of the first people I told was a male I met on my Birthright trip to Israel.

I feel because I told him I cheated, he thought I was an “easy target.” I thought I was close to him, in a friend way. One night I was locked out of my room, so I went back to his room. His two other roommates were there, sleeping. This is when he took advantage of me; December 27th, 2013.

I was confused and had no clue what to make of it. I didn’t know how to say no. I felt disgusting, confused, and scared, but no one knew because I still acted like we were friends. I was still confused, and I kept on being friends with him, even made out with him after the fact, because I felt it was a way to forget.

I reported him, but it was too late and nothing could really be done because it happened in a completely different country from my own. He tried to contact me but thankfully I threatened with a restraining order and he has not contacted me since January 2014.

Later, I was at a party with a friend. However, my friend passed out from drinking too much and her boyfriend started kissing my neck/trying to put his hand down my pants. I said his girlfriend was passed out so there was no use in even remotely going any further. He said I was right so we left to go over to another party.

After the party we ended up going back to his room. I was going to sleep on the bed while he slept on the blowup mattress with his girlfriend. He started to kiss me again. He had my underwear down and just put his penis in me. He then took it out to put a condom on. He didn’t go at it for very long. I felt alone, confused, hurt, and horrible all mixed into one. March 1st, 2014.

I ended up reporting it a week after, realizing that I had been taken advantage of again. My friend found out prior about everything except the literal penetration. She was horrified and was considering breaking up with him. When she found out I reported him, she called me crying on the phone stating she didn’t want him to go to jail. That I needed to change my story.

My friend and I don’t talk anymore. She has picked her boyfriend over me. In a way, it’s understandable because she knew the guy longer. In another way, it’s disgusting and lonely. I miss her. It’s almost like she blames me.

Both the males who took advantage of me, they think they did nothing wrong. They both blame me. I still think it’s because I was an “easy target” due to the fact that I cheated. I feel my reactions to the assault/rape are different than others. I feel out of place often. However, I talk about my story/stories for a reason. I know I’m not alone. I’m getting help and healing everyday.

I am a survivor.

Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *