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I still feel “crazy”

It’s 1:11am, and I feel the crazies coming that I never understood until 2 years ago after I heard Barry Lopez tell his story to Terry Gross on NPR (Sliver of Sky), where he said, “Certainly innocence is gone and sexual gender confusion is introduced, but you can actually talk about things like that. What is taken that you can’t talk about is the sense of your own dignity as a human being, and what’s taken from you is the ability to articulate your meaning in the world.”

My story begins as a six year old, the day my comedy and tragedy masks became a permanent fixture in who I am and how I manage each day. My story is with two teenage boys taking me to the woods behind my house again and again until they moved away a year or so later.

What was lost was inherent joy. I laugh, and I love life. But, the pain I’ve covered up is there in everything I do andwith every relationship I have. I ride through the crazies like tonight and though intellectually I know what is happening, I feel the crazies no less. And so I ride.


  • Alissa Ackerman
  • Maryrose


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