It’s 1:11am, and I feel the crazies coming that I never understood until 2 years ago after I heard Barry Lopez tell his story to Terry Gross on NPR (Sliver of Sky), where he said, “Certainly innocence is gone and sexual gender confusion is introduced, but you can actually talk about things like that. What is taken that you can’t talk about is the sense of your own dignity as a human being, and what’s taken from you is the ability to articulate your meaning in the world.”
My story begins as a six year old, the day my comedy and tragedy masks became a permanent fixture in who I am and how I manage each day. My story is with two teenage boys taking me to the woods behind my house again and again until they moved away a year or so later.
What was lost was inherent joy. I laugh, and I love life. But, the pain I’ve covered up is there in everything I do andwith every relationship I have. I ride through the crazies like tonight and though intellectually I know what is happening, I feel the crazies no less. And so I ride.
I think that everything you say is valid. The pain you still feel is natural and you are not alone. I really appreciate you sharing your story and your pain with the Brave Miss World community. I hope you know that while you are feeling the crazies, I am sending you love and solidarity.
You are a true survivor, and I can relate to the feelings you express. Please know you are not alone, and that you have helped me feel less alone today. I am grateful for your courage to share your story.