I survived

Hi my name is Autumn, I’m 17. I want to share my story with everyone. Here we go, when I was 6 my brother and I was taken away from my parents and placed with my grandparents. It was good to live there and get away from my parents arguing all the time, until I turned 7. My papaw started acting different toward me because strict on me, he wouldn’t let me go anywhere with friends or family. A few weeks past after my 7th birthday I remember walking into my bedroom and he was standing there and told me I had to remove my clothes or I was gonna be punished. He was very rough and abusive toward me and wouldn’t stop until I took off my clothes. I begged him to stop over and over again but he wouldn’t listen. From that day on anything I wanted to do he told me I had to earn it, which he meant I had to do something to please him or I couldn’t get what I wanted. So I suffered I’d rather not do anything I wanted. I always told him I was gonna tell and he told me if I did he would put his pistol to my head and I would pay the consequences. I was terrified, I was scared when I was left alone with him. My 8th birthday came around that’s when it got worse, I was eating dinner that night and he gave me a pill and told me I had to take it, I don’t even remember going to sleep I woke up in the middle of the night cover in blood and hurt so bad. I called my mamaw and she came home, she wasn’t concerned she just said I started my period and I knew it was something worse than that. That morning my papaw asked me if I enjoyed my birthday gift so I knew he done something to me. I remember crying asking him why he was doing horrible things to me? Why me? I remember telling him he never done it to his daughters.. Every night he would make me sleep in certain clothes, if I didn’t follow orders he was beating me. He would try to pay me money, tell me I could go to my friends I could do anything I wanted if I would let him touch me anyway he wanted. When I hit middle school I started playing basketball I was close to this girl I told her things my papaw did to me , she was there for me but was also terrified to tell anyone i went to her for everything. My papaw kept on going, bwing very abusive and controlling. My 7th grade year i was 12 I was head over heels for this boy, we started dating i was terrified to tell him anything but he started getting fed up with the idea i couldn’t go to his house because my papaw wouldn’t let me. He came to my papaws house one time and i wasnt allowed out of my papaws sight. The next day we broke up, he said my papaw was to controlling. So i told him what was going on, we got back together and he told his mom they helped me try to get out of there. The day i told papaw i was telling what he was doing to me, he grabbed me and i had my phone of voice recorder and papaw said “isaac and i are gonna share you, i had you first”. I tried to get away, but my papaw tied me up to my bed. I couldn’t move at all i started screaming and he put tape over my mouth he did the most horrible things to me when i was tied up, i cried and cried for hours, he finally untied me after a few hours when my mamaw was coming home. I told her what he was doing and she didn’t believe me, that night he tied me back up, my brother caught him doing things to me and he didn’t help me at all. He walked off. The next day we had family over and i got to talk to my aunt by herself i told her and ahe believed me she took me to my mom and dad, my dad didn’t believe me so it caused problems for us. Social service came to talk to me at school i let them hear the voice recorder i went to the doctor and got checked in the vaginal area and they said i had been abused, everyone in my family hated me because i told on papaw they didn’t believe me. My papaw didn’t get in trouble at all. The day they found him not guilty, i felt like i lost everything, i go t so depressed and hated myself, asked myself constantly why no one believed me, why did this happen to me? So many things ran through my head. He didn’t just sexually abuse me, and raped me. He also did it to his sister, and she is the only one that believed anything i said. Still to this day it terrifies me to even get sexually close to a guy, Fallas didn’t just abuse me, he abused everything i had in my heart, he fucked with my head, he made me hate my body, scared to let a guy get close to me. But i had a child of my own with the guy from middle school at 14, everyone looked at me weird but i grew up fast and now at 17 even though i went through hell growing up i have a special boy to take care of, give him a better life than what i had, teach him how to treat a girl. I know that i survived, and i’m proud i made it out alive. It still bothers me and thoughts still run in my head but to everyone that didn’t believe me or hated me over telling and getting away from fallas will get what they deserve, but what i deserve is to show that i can follow my dreams still that i once had, i can show them that they didn’t keep me down. Anyone that has been sexually abused, raped, tormented needs to know you’re not alone, you will always have someone there for you, you are wonderful and become anything you want can do anything you sit your mind to, don’t let any of what you went through keep you down, show you are stronger than that. And know you are loved it might not be people in this world but most important person to be loved by is God, and he is always with you every step you make.