I Thought I Could Trust Him

My name is Amber and I’m sharing this story with you. My experience as a child and young adult. It’s hard to believe that I’ve come this far but I have.

I was 11 years old in the 5th grade. I decided to play sick one day and stay home from school. My family consisted of my Mom, my Dad, and my two sisters. My mom decided to let me stay home from school that day. She left for work and bith my sister’s went to school. My dad was off of work. So i figured I’d stay in bed. My dad called me downstairs and asked me if I wanted to play a new video game he had just bought. I said, “Sure!” He went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer. He got up and went to the bathroom. He came out and said, “If I show you something. Do you promise not to tell?” I hesitantly replied, “I promise!” (Being a child back then, I though it was going to be something neat or cool. . .) Then my dad pulls out his penis and shows it to me. I was shocked and utterly horrified at this point. I just wanted to run upstairs to my room and never come out again. But he motioned me into the living room. He laid me down on the floor, my heart raced, I couldn’t believe or understand what was happening to me. He started to pull my pajama pants down and before anything else happened, I shouted, ” No!” at him. He stopped what he was doing and I picked myself up off the floor, pulled my pants up and ran upstairs to my bedroom. I hid in my closet until everyone came home. I stayed silent about it for a while, guess because I didn’t understand what had happened to me. I knew whatever he was going to do was bad because something within me told me so. When I had shouted, “No!” it almost felt like it was someone else taking over my body to say it.

Not long after that, I went to school and there were some guests that were there to talk to us about child abuse and the different types. They went through physical,emotional, mental, and the last was sexual. When they started to talk about this type of abuse I got really uncomfortable, started sweating, and feeling sick. It wasn’t until after the guest’s were done that I realized that I was a victim of sexual abuse. But the worst part of it was. . . It was by my own father! I didn’t know how to tell anyone. So one day when I came home from school. I tried convincing myself to tell my mom. My mom and I have always been close. So i decided to write a note telling her what happened and leave it where she would see it. But only after my dad left for work.

I had my note written and ready. My mom went into her room and my dad grabbed his keys and headed out the door for work. I planted the note on the computer desk. So when she’d return she would see it. I sat on the couch watching nervously as she picked up my note and read it.
She turned around and asked me, ” Everything you’re saying in this note is true?” I nodded my head. She then quickly grabbed her cell phone and called the police. It was unbearable I thought my heart would give out on me. I was terrified. I heard my mom talking to the police telling them that her daughter was sexually abused by her father. After the call with the cops she called my dad. I could tell she was upset by her voice. She said, ” You have to get home now!” I guess he tried to argue with her about having to be at work and she cut him off, “I don’t care! Get your a** home now!” That’s when things really got escalated. The cops were already here when he got home. He stormed in the house cussing and angry. He then realized what I had done and accused me of being a liar. The cops handcuffed him and took him outside. While being brought outside he disowned me as a daughter. I was too shook up to do anything. I didn’t think, I didn’t move from the spot on the couch, i did absolutely nothing but just sit there.

The very next day which was the last day of 5th grade, my mom walked with me down the hallway to sign me out of school. She had sunglasses on inside the building. I knew she was crying. She signed me out and we walked down the halls. I saw my elementary school friend’s for the last time. I had to go to DCF (Department of Children and Families) to give my testimony on video.

— Survivor, age 23