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I trusted him

I really don’t even know if what happened to me even qualifies as assault or rape. I’m sure the guy sure doesn’t think so. I dated this guy, Kevin, briefly a year ago. We had a sexual relationship at that time but we decided we were both still hung up on past relationships and that we’d be better off as friends. Fast forward to present day, he had recently broken up with his girlfriend so I invited him to come to town to go to an event with me, in my mind as friends, as a change of scenery for him. Kevin and I talked about our current relationship states and I’d told him I was starting to see another guy that I really liked. We had dinner and drinks before the event and more drinks at the event. I got pretty drunk honestly throughout the course of the evening. At the end of the night, we went back to my place where he would be sleeping in my bed with me. I had a son home from college and he had brought friends so I didn’t have any place else to put Kevin. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal because I was past wanting to be intimate with him. I thought of him only as a friend. I believed we would just crash out in the same bed like roommates. I changed into pajamas and crawled into bed. It wasn’t long until he started touching me and kissing me. In my very drunken state, I let him kiss me and even responded to him. When he went to put his hand down my pajamas I told him that I was on my period hoping he’d stop. He didn’t. And here’s where my story makes me feel like I can’t say I was assaulted. He fingered me and while remembering bits and pieces of it, I remember having an orgasm but I was so drunk it’s pretty hazy. He then tried to have sex with me but I can’t honestly tell you how far that got, if he came or what because I must have passed out. I woke up later with my pants off and I put them back on but stayed in bed with him because it was still the middle of the night. I woke up a couple more times to him again trying to get his hands back into my pajamas and me saying no before I was sober enough to actually get out of the bed and leave the room. He got up the next day and acted like nothing happened, so I did the same. He left and I haven’t spoken to him since. I don’t feel like I have the right to say I was assaulted or raped because I had an orgasm. I feel violated and dirty. I trusted him and I feel like he took advantage of me when I didn’t have the capacity to say no. And I keep thinking is it my fault. I invited him because I thought we were friends and only friends. I got drunk. I’m 46 years old, shouldn’t I have known better??? And for weeks now I have just tried to forget the incident ever occurred.

2 comments

  • Jess
  • Alexis

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