Me, my mom, dad and little brother moved into a new house and right away became friends with my next-door neighbor. He had a daughter around my age at the time and we became best friends. Both our families were so close that we were always at each other’s houses. About 4 years after, the father of my best friend, my neighbor, my parent’s best friend, asked me to go into his bedroom by myself and locked the room. He told me my parents told him I was doing bad in school and that he was there to guide me. Then, he completely changed the topic of the conversation and told me that I should not let anyone touch me *here, here or here* and he touched each private part of me when he said this and then rubbed my thighs and made me watch porn with him. In the next 11 or 12 months, he would do the same, sometimes licking my legs, kissing me on my mouth, touching me. I never had any adults in my life other than my mom and my dad so I was very confused and knew that something was not normal. I did not want to tell my parents either.
I was in school one day when I decided to tell my schoolmate and she told me that that was not normal at all and she made me go tell a school counselor. I did and in 30 minutes there were 4 police officers at my school interrogating me and telling me that accusing someone to doing this is no joke and I remember he repeated himself at least 5 times.
Long story short, they arrested him, he bailed out, went to trial, found him not guilty because his word was against mine and there was no evidence of what he did to me.
Now I am turning 20 and I still see him every time I go outside to get the mail or get into my car. I couldn’t even get a restraining order against him since he lives next door.
I am now having serious problems with my boyfriend and I had serious problems with my dad and caused him to leave me and my mom and my brother. I no longer have a relationship with my dad.
Sometimes I start crying for no reason, uncontrollably and it makes me wonder what causes me to have these attacks. I always kill myself with all the “what if’s”…
You are a remarkable human being and none of the after effects of what happened to you are your fault or your doing. Childhood trauma like this can have lasting effects and it makes sense that you would still have crying episodes like this. Healing can sometimes be a long journey. It is different for everyone, but I truly believe that healing is possible and that everyone who experiences trauma like this can thrive. Sometimes it takes sharing your story or talking to someone. There are great resources that can help you work through this. Here is one place to start if you have any interest: http://www.bravemissworld.com/get-help
You did nothing wrong and you are not to blame. Light and love to you.