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I Was a Fool for Him

I was a starry eyed 15 year old when we first met. He was a mysterious and attractive 18 year old. I should have known what would happen if we got together. We would hang out on weekends with friends and he would flirt with everyone. On his last night in town before he moved to the country, we hung out atbhis place of the moment. It was my best friend, him, and myself. We were all laying in his bed talking for hours in the dark. All of a sudden the two left the room, and he fucked my best friend in his bathroom. I should have known what he was about from that alone. That he had no shame and wanted a nut. After he moved to the country I tried to keep in touch with him. We would talk over messenger and MySpace when we could. But there woukd be times that we would not talk for months. Periodically we would talk and he would tell me all the things I wanted to hear. Soon enough he was in a relationship and would tell me how unhappy and unwanted he felt with her. This would not be the last time he would dupe me with this lie. He would then tell me that he wanted to be with me, but he lived with his girlfriend and didn’t want to get kicked out. We would talk for when we could, but there would be bouts of silence. Soon enough we lost touch for at least 1 year. I carried on with my life and relationships that wouldn’t last. He reached out to me on Facebook not after long we started talking again when we could, but again he was in an unhappy relationship. He would charm me into waiting until we could be together. My best friend at the time(the same he fucked that night) would pick him up and we would finally see each other after almost 2 years. We would talk all night and he would try to get me to do things I hadn’t done with anyone. I said no so he had to go to the bathroom to jerk off. That would be the only time. I thought he loved me and all he wanted was to use me. Our first time together he wouldn’t listen to me and ended up forcing himself on me with my current best friend sleeping on the floor of my room. He would then say, “I have never had someone cry before.” He was my first. I would then roll over and go to sleep. He had to leave early in the morning and it may be a while before I saw my “loving boyfriend” for a while. I didn’t tell my best friend until years later what happened that night. It wouldn’t be the last time that it would happen either. Almost every time he engaged with me it was forced and he would not take no for an answer, because I was being “a tease” even though I invited him over to spend time with him and play games or watch movies. There were times he would force my pants down, because I did not want to and he had no regard for my resistance. And I was too blinded by my infatuation with him enough to realize that the way he was acting was not how things should be. He would not be able to talk to me for periods of time, because his “roommate” had the phone. His roommate was his ex that he was unhappy with before we got together. I was sick of the periods of silence and got him a phone on my phone plan. Everytime was the same he would come over, and when he was done he would leave shortly after he got qhat1 he wanted. We would be together for almost a year and a half. When he broke up with me he was trying to come over, because he wanted to see me. I would tell him no, I would then explain that I had prior plans with friends and I was not going to cancel on them, because he wanted to come over. Early in the conversation his intentions were clear he wanted to come over for sex, but as we talked more and I refused he would then break up with me. I was a devastated 19 year old that was losing her first love. We talked for a while and he said, “I want to start a family and I don’t think you are ready for that.” When we finally got off the phone I was devastasted and crying for 2 days. When I finally came to terms with all of it, the physical and emotional abuse, I hated myself for letting myself be a fool for him.

— Survivor, age 25

2 comments

  • sharon
  • Alexis

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