I was 19, i was at an acquaintances flat with a friend as he invited us round, persisted to offer and pour us more drinks which i thought nothing of at the time. I ended up wasted and was taken to bed, then i wake up some hours later to find him on top of me having sex. I never consented to this, i was passed out for christ sake. Because i was so drunk i was reluctant to tell anyone yet alone the police because i didnt think they would believe me, my friend and mum prompted me to tell the police which i felt i needed to do to protect anyone else this could happen to although i was terrified. I went to court and had to sit there whilst the judge asked me questions about my past sex life and even divulged into my facebook messages with friends saying how drunk i was in past weeks, he used this to make me out to be a liar, and the guy got off not guilty all because i was drunk. I refused any counseling because i thought i was strong enough to deal with this by myself, im now 24 and have been battling with depression ever since, i cant talk to my boyfriend about this because it kills him to even think about it which i completely understand. But now i feel im falling backward, i know i will never get over this because it will always be there but i think now i really need to reach out for help. I cant cope with keeping all this in, crying every day for days on end and half the time i dont know why, and then i realize I never received any help for this trauma and it continues to put my life on hold every day. Im at the point where I am struggling to get up out of bed and even go to work. I just needed to get this out, and i hope anybody reading this that has been through a similar situation knows that it is NOT your fault. And please receive help asap because it never escapes you.
— Survivor, age 24