I was 19, i was at an acquaintances flat with a friend as he invited us round, persisted to offer and pour us more drinks which i thought nothing of at the time. I ended up wasted and was taken to bed, then i wake up some hours later to find him on top of me having sex. I never consented to this, i was passed out for christ sake. Because i was so drunk i was reluctant to tell anyone yet alone the police because i didnt think they would believe me, my friend and mum prompted me to tell the police which i felt i needed to do to protect anyone else this could happen to although i was terrified. I went to court and had to sit there whilst the judge asked me questions about my past sex life and even divulged into my facebook messages with friends saying how drunk i was in past weeks, he used this to make me out to be a liar, and the guy got off not guilty all because i was drunk. I refused any counseling because i thought i was strong enough to deal with this by myself, im now 24 and have been battling with depression ever since, i cant talk to my boyfriend about this because it kills him to even think about it which i completely understand. But now i feel im falling backward, i know i will never get over this because it will always be there but i think now i really need to reach out for help. I cant cope with keeping all this in, crying every day for days on end and half the time i dont know why, and then i realize I never received any help for this trauma and it continues to put my life on hold every day. Im at the point where I am struggling to get up out of bed and even go to work. I just needed to get this out, and i hope anybody reading this that has been through a similar situation knows that it is NOT your fault. And please receive help asap because it never escapes you.
— Survivor, age 24
Dear survivor – I am so sorry the system failed you. I continue to be astonished by the idea that a woman being drunk can result someone being found not guilty. I want to say that I believe you and what he did to you was not ok. It was SO brave of you to go to the police and to court, despite the outcome. I understand that it must be hard for your boyfriend to talk about, but like you said, it sounds like it’s not working for you to keep this inside either. I would encourage you to find a therapist to help you manage your depression – you deserve someone to help you and support you so that you can, slowly, make getting out of bed easier again. What happened is not your fault and you don’t have to cope with it all alone. I’m sending you love and peace and light, Alexis
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, just talking about it to somebody I don’t know is such a weight lifted from my shoulders. I am definitely planning on getting some help for this. Sometimes it’s hard to make myself believe that it wasn’t my fault, I doubt myself every single day and I hate it. Thankyou so much!
I’m a guy just putting it out there. I’ve been taken advantage of too. Was sharing this site with a good friend who had a similar experience to your own. What happened to you was not your fault. In a perfect world you shouldn’t have to eorry about being violated in the first place let alone being asked about your sex life in open court or having to revisit the experience. That judge and anyone involved who said it was your fault or that he did not rape you are sick and need help themselves. I also believe men should not reside 9ver cases of rape seems they always are on the side of the rapist.