I was only 15 when I experienced the most horrible night of my life.. .
I remember one night I was fast asleep in my room, when suddenly I felt someone sit next to me on my bed. I felt hands gentle, but rough, graze up and down my face, whilst he calmly breathed next to me. I knew it was a man because of the roughness of his fingers against my skin. I woke up feeling startled and a little dazed, still hazy from my sleep I was confused as to the person sitting next to me on my bed. At first I thought it was my godfather but when I focused more on the face I realised that I had no recognition of the man. When I realised this was a random man sitting fully naked next to me, I jumped up feeling petrified for my life and extremely confused. I tried to get out of my bed but he pulled my wrist down forcing me to stay, he was standing above me, hovering, whilst his eyes glazed over.. He was obviously drunk. He had a creepy smirk with only one intention in mind, that smirk made my skin crawl. I knew what he wanted to do and his intentions was on display, loud and clear.
I remember trying to walk past him whilst he sluggishly followed me, I felt a hand snake around my waist, he couldn’t talk.. All he did was mumble..”please… please.” I pushed him back and he lost his balance. I was still so shocked at the situation that I couldn’t process what was happening, whilst I was dazed he regained his balance and strongly pushed my body against the wall, his hands around my neck. He wasn’t chocking me, just placing his hands around my neck to make sure I couldn’t escape. I used my hands to push him back and he lost his balance. I opened the door to my room and rushed out whilst he slowly followed behind, still scared for my life and unsure what to do, I asked him to get me a glass of water not looking at him, not wanting to see his naked body. I didn’t know what to do, my little brother was in the next room
He sluggishly and drunkly walked by me and stumbled over. I took the chance to run to my room and locked myself in, without thinking I grabbed my phone and told my brother to lock the door because there was a random man in the house. He replied saying he understood but was still obviously confused. After I texted him I ran to the bathroom and cried. I texted my dad asking where he was, he replied back telling me he was on the balcony.. He came into my room and saw me crying all I said was “there was a random man in here, he didn’t do anything but Im just really scared.” I felt guilty for lying, of course he tried to touch me, of course he tried to rape me. But I couldn’t come around to say it. After he comforted me he left my room. I sat on the bathroom floor, alone, crying. I decided to leave some marks on my body, to relieve myself of the sickening pain I was feeling within the depth of my stomach. I know myself that I was lucky I didn’t loose my virginity that night, but I’m still destroyed on the inside. I feel discomfort when people come near me or try to touch me… I don’t know what to do with myself.
Even though I wasnt raped the thought that I could of scares the hell out of me. I know there are people who have it worse but this took a huge toll out of me. I don’t even feel comfortable with any physical contact.. I dont know what to do.