I was raped and didn’t know

Hi, my name is Marcela and I’m a 21 year old girl from Brazil.

I was 13 years old and had a “boyfriend”. It was that childhood kind of boyfriend, that we barely kissed.

One day I was with a girlfriend at my place and she invited her boyfriend over. Just so I wouldn’t be alone, I invited mine as well. Once they were there, she decided to lose ver virginity. She wen’t to a close bathroom.

J. (my boyfriend) looked at me and said “other we go as well, or I’ll leave you” – I was still a virgin and very innocent. A innocent girl who was in love with a stupid boy. So I accepted.

While it was happening, it wasn’t comfortable AT ALL. I was disgusted, crying a lot, but too afraid to do anything. I asked him to stop and he didn’t.

Once I told my mom, she said it was disappointed at me, and told my father who as very angry and stopped talking to me for months. I was guilty for what happened. That’s what everyone thought and so did I.

In school, this girlfriend of mine told everyone that we decided to lose our virginity, but as I was a little nerd, I started to be bullied. I lost all my friends. No one wanted to talk to me anymore because “I was a pervert”.

I closed all my feelings. It was only 7 years later that, while talking to a physiologist I realized I was raped. I had a huge depression after another bad relationship and tried to kill myself.

I used to hurt me, cut my arms, nail my back so the physical pain would overcome the emotional one.

Once I realized that all my behave was because of the rape, I changed. I felt free, finally.

Today, people still don’t believe I was raped. They think I was just week emotionally. But I no longer care about them. I am the only one that knows what happened for real. I’ll stay strong. And won’t stop talking about it. #IAmBrave and I’ll help anyone (women or men) that feels the same way.

— Marcela, age 21