I was in 7th grade at this time and I used to love walking my dogs all the time. One time I was walking my dog and there was a guy that lived two houses from me and he was 28 years old at the time. He would stop me and start talking to me being extremely nice. At this time, my mom and dad were always fighting, so I guess I was searching for affection and someone giving me the time of day to talk to me. We started talking more to the point I was sneaking out of the house to go see him and we would kiss a lot and he was groping me. One day he moved away to a different city but I would stay in contact with him.
Every time no one was home I would call him and he would come over in his car. I always went outside to go sneak in his car. We just start talking at first and kissing but it started to get more than that. He would ask me to do sexual things to him and started putting his fingers in my vagina. At that time I thought he really liked me and I would be his girlfriend. But he stopped accepting my phone calls and told me to stop calling him.
After that I realized he was just using me and he had what he wanted from me. It hit me hard and I hated myself so much. I kept it a secret and I still do because I am to ashamed to tell anyone about it and afraid to be looked at differently. To this day I still haven’t told my mom because I don’t want her to feel she failed at a parent. Sometimes I wish I could change the pass and realize he was just using me. It’s very hard for me to be in relationships I always have trust issues. I still have it as a dark memory that lingers deep in my mind that will never go away.
— Tasha, age 23
Tasha,
Thank you for sharing your story. Realizing you were used like this certainly can’t feel good. I am often reminded that we make the best decisions we can in the moment given the information that we have. It makes sense that you have trust issues in relationships given what happened, but I hope you come to learn that you have nothing to be ashamed of. This man used you, he preyed on your emotions and you are not to blame for that. I hope that comforts you a little. I don’t know you, but if I did, I certainly wouldn’t look at you any differently. I’d just see you as a really brave woman who came forward with her story. Light and love to you.
Dear Tasha, reading your experience, although I can relate to the negative thoughts and emotions you express about yourself, I have an entirely different impression of you. I see you as brave, strong, kind and thoughtful. I am glad you shared your story with us, and I hope it makes you feel less alone. Much love to you.