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I wish she wouldve helped me

My sexual assault is the one time in my life where I had no power. Runaway, say No, hit him? But It’s not my fault, I didn’t want this. Why do I have to fight against someone who is an animal? I didn’t even know this would happen. I was hanging out at a cool guys house. It was me, my best friend, and a few other people. We were all friends, but for me, I was close with a few people, but others I didn’t have their cell phone number. My close friends left around 1 am. But I wish I would’ve just gone with them. It was my first time getting drunk, but growing up I either saw a whole bunch of empty beer bottles or no alcohol at all. They offered me shots. I don’t even remember this, but apparently, I took all the shots. No one else took any. I was sleeping off the night when my mind woke, but my body was lifeless. I could feel my eyes wanting to open but they wouldn’t. My arms where dead weights. My body and brain knew what was happening. I was forced to lay while someone pulled my shirt down and touched me. They wouldn’t stop, I begged I said No. I was sleeping, I had no voice in this decision. I laid and shouted. I recall telling him how much I hate my imperfections, he made sure to reassure me they were the “best”. I didn’t even care about his opinion though. It just made me feel better to say what I’m thinking. While this was happening. I could feel myself getting sick from having my body exposed. I was getting sick from fighting off someone. Then I saw a flash. Someone is taking pictures of me. In my time of complete exposure, my body was useless and another body was watching.
The day after my best friend said she could hear me say no, but she didn’t help me. 5 years later, and I can still recall the feelings I felt, my eyes being shut, and the camera flash.

1 comment

  • Alexis


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