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Identity?

I’m a 23 year old male.
As a child between the ages of 6 – 8 years old, I was sexually abused by a male family member.
At the age of 16, I was raped by another man.
These events have shaped my life into what it is today. I am successful in my career and I am well liked and popular.
However with love, I am never happy. I am afraid to want to be loved, and I cannot believe it when I am told the three words ‘I love you’.
I have been made to feel worthless, to feel nothing. I can not say that I have ever considered ending my life, although appearing the easiest option at the darkest of times, but I have a value of each breath, knowing that there is always hope.
I know the potential that life holds to be amazing. I preach this to my friends when they are in need of encouragement, but I am also aware that I am holding myself back now from allowing this to become my own philosophy.
Don’t say victim.
I see the positive ways in which I have allowed my past to shape my future. I possess great empathy, I start each day with a smile and make it my business to pass one on to everyone I meet, trying to better their day.
However, I have blocked part of me that refuses to tend to myself. Perhaps this anonymous post can be the beginning of my personal healing.

2 comments

  • Alissa Ackerman
  • Jen

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