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I’m a functioning alcoholic

My story started with sexual abuse from a girlfriend when I was 5 (I am also female). I assume that she was sexually abused from her brothers or her father at a young age considering she knew what “going down on someone” was at the age of 5. What proceeded was my parents’ divorce and my mother’s mental decline. She had affairs with several men while my parents were married and my dad was an angry man. I have memories of her telling me how much she wanted to kill her self before I was 6..

I was extremely shy and self-conscious as a child, moving away from Georgia to Illinois. My parents gave me a choice to which parent I chose; I chose my dad (he worked out anger issues in a very effective way), which I am grateful for to this day, however during my childhood this led to guilt and self-doubt. From then on, I remained very shy until I met friends that were very outgoing, I broke out of my shell. Now “outgoing” in college, I was drinking pretty heavily on the weekends while maintaining good grades. I dated an angel for nearly 5 years (his parents have always been married, he was logical, smart and “normal”). But my fucked up self, clearly fucked it up. I cheated (just like my mom) multiple times. The angel boyfriend found out, cried in front of me (I had never seen him cry up until this point and it is still the worst memory of my life). I moved on with much emotional turmoil and regret, but eventually happy with my freedom. I am now dating someone else. I was raped by a friend’s friend when I was passed out on their couch. I woke up in this person’s bed with a complete sense of dread. I knew what happened wasn’t right. I knew it immediately and was in denial. I was in a severe depression that ended up in even heavier drinking. I denied all reach out by rape advocates and by my new MD. I work in the medical field, have genuine empathy for others and also volunteer for a non-profit volunteer group each month, I was just promoted to a position there. I go into work and love all of the people I work with, but I still go back and want to drink at night, more than I know is normal. But I want others to know that even people that are empathetic in the medical field can still have issues. Even when you try to practice what you preach and help others.

— Survivor, age 26

2 comments

  • Alissa Ackerman
  • Mary

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