It happened on April 10, 2017. I hadn’t been with anybody since a hard breakup a year before. I was finally moving on and I started talking to this boy. We flirted often and texted constantly. Finally, we were hanging out. He even introduced himself to my mom and I thought he seemed like a gentleman. I met his parents then we were off to his bedroom to play xbox and watch movies. That’s where I was stupid and should’ve left. Within 5 minutes of me meeting this boy in person, he said he wanted to change into something more comfortable. Without a breath, he pulled his pants off and I noticed he had no underwear on and he was hard. He planned for this to happen. He put on shorts and got comfortable on the bed. I chose to ignore it and I laid by him. Next thing I knew, he was forcing his hand down my pants. I kept pushing him away but he didn’t care. He pulled down my pants and started rubbing his bare self on me. I mentally zoned out and he was aware. He kept calling me rude names, choking me. He told me I was “lucky” he had no condoms or he would’ve taken it further. This lasted for hours, but what happened didn’t sink in until I sat alone in class that night. My best friend kept asking what was wrong but I refused to admit the harsh reality of what had happened. About a month later, I reported the situation and I am finally recovering in December 2017. I’ve started getting harsh flashbacks and it never leaves my mind, but I am glad I spoke out and helped myself where I needed it. I refuse to be alone with a boy since then, let alone flirt with one. I guess I should work on that.
— Survivor, age 17
Dear survivor – first of all, what happened to you is NOT your fault. You pushed him away and that was enough. It doesn’t matter where you were – it his HIS decisions and HIS fault. It sounds like by reporting it you are starting to face what happened to you and I’m really proud of you for doing that. I don’t think you necessarily need to be alone with a boy or flirt… I would say that you should definitely talk to a counselor or a therapist to help you heal from what happened. Part of that might be flirting with a boy again but one step at a time. You deserve love and peace and happiness and support. I’m really proud of you for sharing your story here and I will send you love as you navigate your healing. Love, Alexis
You don’t know this now cuz your so young, but you will fall in love many times in life and your hormones may even trip you up and cause a bad situation. Speaking from an old lady’s point of view who has been violently raped at least twenty five times and watched a few rapes turn into murder on two nine year old friends, my advise is leave men and sex alone. It may be hard for women who are still actively wanting to have a relationship or sex, but you’ll thank yourself when your old.
Thank you Mary for your comment. I would say this to you – your hormones never caused a bad situation. If someone raped you, that was THEIR BAD DECISION. If doesn’t matter if you were drunk or had previously consented to sex. I know this isn’t always what society tells us – and certainly hasn’t been in the past – but I really believe it in my heart. That doesn’t make things easier necessarily.
As far as leaving men alone, there are so many different paths that people take. Healing, or at least moving down the path of healing, can be done for many with the help of a therapist. You will both be in my heart. Love, Alexis