I was 13, and he was my first boyfriend, it was out of the blue really. He just asked me out and I was quite flattered at the time .. I’m pretty much average looking.
We pretty much talked, kissed and that was it.
The second time he called me again, this time he took me to a secluded spot we were kissing and kinda went heavy before I knew it my clothes were off and he entered me. I was too shocked, to realized what hat happened but I asked him to stop …
The third time he met me directly asked me to undress and lie down and wanted to have sex with me said he’d stop if i hurt..
We kissed wanted to have sex and it hurt like crazy, so I asked him please stop. He just ignored me and continued.. told me to relax when he was done just got up and told me to wash up once I’m home..
All this while he never once spoke to me, even if I met him in public he’d just ignore me and turn away. I was so confused at the time .. I thought if u relaxed more during sex he’d like me .. was so naive and stupid .. he sent his friends after me once he was done. I was known in school as a slut.
I couldn’t have sex for the longest time without the pain.. I think my hubby is the first person I’m comfy with.. I was sexually abused by a relative from 9 to 14, as well. I’m in my 30s now, I’m scared for my lil kids life every day. I’m taking steps to keep them aware and most importantly want to be there for them. I still feel so dirty, there are some days I still can’t look men in the eyes. I just feel they can see through me.
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Thank you so much for posting this here. You were not naive or stupid… he should have stopped when you told him to and what happened was NOT your fault. I think it’s so beautiful that you want to be there for your kids and so important. But I hope you can let people be there for YOU. You are not dirty and you deserve to feel safe. I would encourage you to try therapy or talking to a trusted friend or a family member. You can heal from this; I believe in you and am sending you love!! Alexis
That is so sad you are not an idiot or naive he is a stupid boy