The basics: I had fallen asleep on the basement rec room sofa watching movies. I woke up to a man in a ninja outfit on top of me with a knife to my throat, removing my panties. He was inside me before my head had cleared.
Apparently, this was not enough, and he needed to remove his gloves to feel my chest properly. I recognized the scar on the back of his wrist. I kept the observation to myself as he did the deed.
The only thing I hoped was he wouldn’t come in me. More disappointment, and he had to do that to me also.
He told me to keep that our little secret.
It was weeks of worry, about getting STDs, or pregnant, that I kept that anything happened to myself, not protecting you, who did nothing to protect me, your sister.
I know it was Luke, and I can’t say it, but I can write it. This is searchable, there will be more posts.
Live without your secret, like I have to.
-Roberta, age 16
OMG, how awful. I’m so sorry you had to go through that and have to live with this secret. You shouldn’t have to and you don’t. But I understand from my own experience all of the horror and confusion and pain that you are living with. I encourage you to talk to someone about what happened. You need support and you need to know that you have done nothing wrong. Nothing.
He will do this again, if not to you, to someone else.
But focus on you right now and getting the support that you need. Please talk to someone. Don’t internalize the horrific thing that he did to you, to protect him. What he did to you was wrong. You have no reason to be ashamed and to hide what he did. Please talk to someone you trust. Even call a hotline.
Dear Roberta – thank you so much for sharing your story here. I completely agree with Debra – YOU DID NOTHING WRONG AND IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! please take care of yourself. First physically. It sounds like you are getting tested and making sure that any physical harm is treated and that is really good. Please take care of yourself emotionally. Talk to someone you trust (a friend or a teacher or a family member or a counselor). Nothing that happened was your fault and you did nothing wrong. You can also certainly call a rape crisis hotline to talk to someone without giving your name. You said you couldn’t say who it was but you could write it; a counselor can help you say it if you want. You are so strong and so brave. Sending you lots of love. Alexis