In My Home

I had met a man in an Internet cafe where a close male friend was working. He seemed shy but friendly. He had asked me for my phone number, which I stupidly gave him. I was a single mom with two boys, just trying to make my way and find happiness. He started to text me straight away, asking to meet up etc. He started to call me his love, his girlfriend, his wife . I was very confused and freaked out. I asked him to stop texting as I felt uncomfortable with his words. He asked if he could come and see me to explain. I said no. I didn’t want him to come to my home, but he insisted and was at my door within minutes. He knew where I lived as it was two minutes from the Internet cafe.

He came in my door. I explained I had one hour until I was to pick up my children from school. He tried to tell me how nice I was and how he wanted a relationship with me. I didn’t know what to say. As I sat and tried to explain he jumped at me, kissed me and bit my lip hard. Then he was sucking on my neck really hard. He then said I only want to play and he raped me both ways from one to the other. I kept saying no no no, but he repeated I only want to play.

When he had finished, I ran into my bathroom where there is a lock on the door. He said through the door, “Are you mad at me now?” I said, “No, please just go. I need to go to school.” He left. I waited a minute until I felt safe then I came out the bathroom. I was on my period at the time so I had to get changed, but I didn’t have time to do anything else. All I could think was late for school. I had to get the boys.

I walked there as fast as I could with blood on my mouth and marks on my neck, got my boys and walked home. Half way was when it hit me and I was shaking so I asked my male friend from the Internet cafe to come and meet me at my home. We both got there about the same time. I told him what had happened. I said I didn’t want to call the polic. He said he was going to call them or go and kill him, so the police were called.

My children’s father came and took the boys for the night so they were out of the madness. Three male police officers came. I couldn’t move or speak to three big men asking me questions, so a female officer was called. My clothes were taken that I had left on the floor. I had to find my sanitary towel from the bin. Then hours later my home was taped off with crime scene tape. He was arrested. I was taken to a place out of my home town to get examined. It was terrible.

I was singing a song over and over in my head so I didn’t cry. They took my clothes took swabs from everywhere. Video taped all my body in and out. I felt disgusting

Hours later I was sent to wash in a very clinical basic shower room and then taken to a&e back in my home town. I was given anti HIV meds that I had to take for a few weeks. I was given the morning after pill and had blood tests. I then was told I could go, but where? My home was a crime seen I wasn’t aloud in. I went to my friends house and stayed the night or what was left of it as t was closer to morning by now.

The next day I was seen by the police for interview. I had a few video interviews over the weeks. I was told there was enough evidence for him to go to court for two counts of rape. He pleaded not guilty. Court 9 months later was terrible, the questions I was asked about enjoying sex when I was on my period and so on were so disturbing to me.

After a week he was found guilty to one count of rape. Two months later he was sentenced to six and a half years. I had suffered from clinical depression for years and after this had happened. I still had to live in the same home with the same sofa I was raped on as I couldn’t afford to move. I didn’t go out apart from to get my children from school. I had been victimized by friends of his, calling me all sorta of nasty words and I was threatened by them also. I was always looking over my shoulder in fear of his friends.

Three years and a half years later, he was deported home to Turkey with no criminal record and not on any sex offenders register. He was just told he couldn’t come back to the UK. People have said there it’s over, but four years later I still think of it every day. I go out the door of my new flat less and less, maybe once a week to the local shop. I also worry about him coming back to the UK as he has a daughter here. He could use a fake name etc and no one would know as he has no record now. I don’t have people to talk to about all this and don’t know how to feel. I guess I will always just feel different.