Incapacitated Still

When I was about 6 or 7 years old one me and my oldest first cousin male who is 7 years older then me was play wrestling. Then he said let me do something… At this point he started hunching me from behind.

It went on for a little while and he would pay me money or bribe me with things so I could do it. Then one day he made me angry and I said “I’m going to tell what you do to me” & he said “No one will believe you because He often rubbed on the other family as a joke. At that moment I became mute.

At the age of 14, I moved back with my mama because my aunt passed and she was taking care of me and my brothers. Shortly after me and the same cousin were drinking and I woke up naked with vomit everywhere. Until this day, he is the reason I am not a virgin. I lost my virginity due to the fact I didn’t want him to be the only person I had sex with. It sounds dumb now, but that is why I slept around a lot as a teenager.

Over the years my life was like a roller coaster. Until last Saturday, I was having drinks with my co-workers a girl and guy. The guy had been hinting at the fact that he liked me, but him and the girl co worker already had slept together. She was my friend and after all the drinking I happen to pass out only to wake up to them fighting and my clothes missing. At which time she informed me that he was having sex with me un protected. I lost it and not only that my friend hid my purse. I left her house crying, violated, and slightly drugged. She is a cocaine addict and I also believe he uses as well. I filed charges, but after I went home and shower. I have yet to see a doctor or go back to work because I didn’t want to run into them.

I don’t feel like I am responsible. I feel violated and tainted. I trusted her as a friend but she wasn’t. She watched the whole thing and then told me I shouldn’t drink anymore. She is not remorseful nor have they been punished.

Since it has happened I chose not to drink again and be celibate.