I don’t remember the exact age it started, i was about 7 or 8 years old and my assaulter is my older brother. It happened several times so ill just give a brief story. It happened every year up until i was about 16 years old. He threatened me saying he would light my house on fire while my entire family was inside while we were asleep. I was so scared and ashamed, i didn’t say anything to anyone. He never physically raped me by actually inserting his penis inside me, that never happened. He only did other things. He would touch my breasts, my butt and my “lady part”. Either rubbing or just poking. This happened several times each year and each year it progressed. One time I remember him trying to penetrate me with his finger and every time he tried it would hurt and i would try to scramble backwards. He would just stop because every time it would hurt and i would say that. Looking back I feel so disgusted with myself and I wish I would’ve told someone earlier. I think the hardest part for me was after I told. I was in class and I was already ranting to a friend over text and i just sent it, after that I told another friend about it and the next day both of my friends wanted me to tell the counselors at our school and I was pretty against it at first, I was more scared then anything. I remember my friends literally dragging me in there and I couldn’t even speak I was so scared. My friend told for me and they were then asked to leave while he went and grabbed the in school police officer and he came in and asked many more questions. Then he told my parents and my parents immediately thought i was lying. I didn’t stay at my own home for about 2-3 weeks. I stayed with one of the friends I initially told. My brother was arrested and he is still in jail. I am awaiting trial. This is hands down the hardest thing I’ve gone through and I am learning to heal and how to stay strong. I am a survivor. This not my whole story, but enough to inform you that you are not alone. Please stay brave.
— Survivor, age 16
You are so strong and brave. You’re doing the most difficult thing a woman can do. It’s sad how often sexual assault happens in families, my mother was assaulted by her brother in law when she very young, my grandmother was raped by her stepfather when she was a preteen and her mother blamed my grandmother for stealing her husband. My step brother sexually assaulted my step sister, he took her virginity and raped her several times and he went to juvenile hall and a group home afterwards. The sad part is that my step brother is his mother’s favorite, my step mom is almost hostile to her daughter and blames the assault on her entirely. Finally my step sister moved far away and got married and started a family of her own. You are not alone, I’ll pray for you to keep being strong.
Dear survivor – thank you so much for sharing your story here. Part of it or all of it, I hope it gave you some relief. I hope you are seeing a counselor – or if not, that you’ll consider seeing one. What you are going through is so much and being able to share it with someone and have support is so critical. Just as you wrote that others are not alone, neither are you. I am rooting for you and will be thinking of you. Sending you lots of light! Love, Alexis