I stopped to pick up a guy I was seeing so we could go to a party. He wanted sex. I didn’t really want to but went with it because I was 19 and wanted him to like me. It was painful so I wanted to stop. I asked and he said no. I got away from him and ran to the door, didn’t care I was naked but he caught me and dragged me back. Threw me on the bed. I tried to get away again but then he shook a gun at me so I just laid there and waited for him to finish. Once he was done, I was allowed to leave. I felt filthy afterwards. Showered for an hour and still didn’t feel clean. Confided in one friend shortly after and was told it wasn’t rape since I went along with it initially. It’s been years but sometimes I still have dreams. And one sex position will sometimes still make me feel panicky. But how I changed afterwards, that’s why it felt like a rape to me.
— Roxanne, age 36
Dear Roxanne,
Only you can decide if you want to call it rape or not, but I can assure you that your friend was not correct in the assessment that because you initially went along with it that somehow it made this guy’s behavior okay. Regardless of how you decide to label what happened to you, the way you changed afterward is very very real and I hope that by putting words to your experience here that it helps you find and make peace with it. You are very brave. Light and love, Alissa
Roxanne i can most definitely assure you that your friends statement was not true. no means no and anything after that was forced. Im 17 now but when i was younger (7-9) for 2 years my brother was raping me and im still dealing with it. i still do therapy, i still have dreams, and when i do participate in intercourse thats the thought that comes to my mind. its hard, i cant say you’ll ever get over it because i dont think i ever will. i still have breakdowns but i can say that it does get easier to cope.
Hi i am 18, I don’t really know how to start. It’s just that i felt identified with you. When i was just a kid (5-6) my brother used to… I don’t know what it was because intercourse didn’t occured, but he used to touch me and made me touch him, among other things, by threats. Maybe sexual abuse would be the words. I’ve never told this to anyone, but when i read your post i felt i could let this out. I’ve never known of someone who has suffered something so similar to what happened to me; it made me feel like i wasn’t alone. I just wanted to let this out and tell you how brave you are for sharing it (something i haven’t done until now) because i know how it feels not feeling safe even with your own family.
Yes you were raped. Yes you went along with it initially but no means no. Rape is defined as a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration perpetrated against a person without that person’s consent. So yes you did go along with it at first but you said no.
It doesn’t matter how far you are into something, You can say no whenever you want or need. you might have wanted it before but you didn’t like the way it was going. That is definitely rape.