It never stopped

I look back at my childhood trying to find the pieces and find out why it happened to me. They say that family members are the one who are suppose to protect you from the world and love you, but this was not the case for me. Family reunions, birthday parties, didn’t mean just fun for me instead they meant having to be touched my someone in my family. I grew up thinking it was my fault, and that “no” was never enough to stop him. He controlled my body for years.. and I had no say. I wished someone would’ve noticed before it was too late; no one ever asked me if I was ok or if I was going through anything. I can still feel his hands inside of me and on my chest. Now I’m in college and I’ve been more exposed to the world and now I realized that what happened wasn’t my fault. I want to be a lawyer to help people find justice and to assure victims that this person can no longer hurt them, but at the same time I know I can ‘t stop the nightmares from happening, nor the fear that someone else will do the same thing. I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason or that the past makes us stronger. I never asked to go through something like this or to become a statistic. What I went through I will never forget nor forgive.. because it has ruined my childhood. I smile/laugh everyday and all my friends think my life is perfect, but none of that is true. I’m still trying to find peace, and I hope you are too. Anyone reading this; know that it is not your fault.