It Started With Rape

For sometime I have befriended this guy thru text , he is a cousin of my high school classmate. After two years of exchanging messages we finally met-up and he formally courted me. I thought I already know him with the two years exchange of messages. He seemed gentle and caring ,which made me decided to accept him as my boyfriend.

It was the first summer since I started college. I had my summer break and he planned for us to bond whole summer long since I was away most of the time during the school year. We were just started our relationship then roughly a month. He Invited me to visit his town just 30 mins from ours. I was expecting we would be off to bond somewhere since theirs is a beach town. Upon arriving he said that we should first drop by there home since its just along the way to our destination. I had no malice of it. I was thinking his family would be there and he had enough respect for me.

He invited me in noting that there was none around but It would be rude to reject his invitation. I sat in the sofa while he was fussing around the house. Then he sat beside me kissed me , actually that was also our first kiss. At first I responded. The kiss became more torrid and the next thing I notice he was reaching for my zippers and unzipping it. I tried to knock him of it but he was so strong.I though of shouting but I failed,thinking of the embarrassment. He then was successful in unzipping me pulled down my pants and manage to hold me still and made me lie on the sofa. I was trying to shrug him off with my foot but he held it down . He touched me then laid on top of me and that was it. I cried . I sobbed long after he has done with his deed. He said I am sorry and I threatened him that I will report this to the police.

He kept saying he was sorry that he was not able to control himself I kept on sobbing while he was comforting me. He convinced me he did it caused he loves me and want us to have a special bond. I was 17 back then , young and foolish enough to believe him . I forgave him for that incident thinking that he did want our relationship to be special.

Our relationship went on. He raped me several times during those years. I didn’t really want it but eventually he will persuade me to give in or at times forcefully do so even in public places. I felt discussed with myself letting someone do those things to me but back then I truly believed we were in love.
3 years into the relationship of good days and very bad days, he was trying to convince me to have a baby with him . I was hesitant since I was still finishing my degree, and he was not yet capable of supporting a family. I kept refusing the idea. The only contraception we were using was withdrawal .Then he decided to stop withdrawing. I got furious and refused to do it again with him. Again he will be forcing me I threatened to leave him for good if he keeps on doing it. He eventually got me pregnant. I lost the baby since it was an ectopic pregnancy . I had a surgery and he was no where found after my operation. Even texted me I was no longer his responsibility since I lost our baby. Eventually I was able to go back to school after 3 months of recovery. Finished my degree and got a job in a local company. He decided to show up one day. claiming he still loves me. That time I had him in bed again but felt nothing anymore . That when I decided to finally leave him and getaway from his abusive ways. Thinking if he really did love me why wasn’t he there when I needed him the most. I should have not tolerated his abusive behavior that he has exhibited during the early times in our relationship. I have been keeping this burden in my heart . The scars he left was more than physical. I have been date raped and allowed the abuse to continue for 4 years saying no one else would care or love me. No man would appreciate me since he already has “taken” me. I still blame my self at times. I hope to find peace eventually.