It was a calm night, I was sitting on my couch when I got a text from my step brother saying he wanted me to come over to celebrate his birthday. I drove over there and already had me a few drinks when he told me his friend was coming over. I never met the guy but I heard a lot of stories from my step brother about him. By the time he got there i was beyond drunk. Then my stepbrother gave me a joint and gave me some more drinks. During this time his friend kept on moving closer to me and i kept on moving away. There was a point where I couldn’t even speak so I laid down on the couch. The last thing I really remember was the friend asking me if i was asleep yet. Then I woke up for a split second and felt someone on top and inside me. When I officially woke up i had no panties or pants on. The friend was naked beside me and still had a condom on. I looked for my car keys and couldn’t find them but thankfully i had a spare set in my car. Then when i drove to a parking lot down the street and it hit me. I was raped. I had a friend come pick me up and took me to my moms. I went to the hospital and had a rape kit done. My step brother called me crying saying how sorry he was. It’s been 5 months since I had my rape kit down and it still hasn’t been tested. Ever since that day I have never been the same. I ended up dropping out of college because I couldn’t handle going to my classes. I lost 20 pounds. I only left my room if I had too. My investigator basically told me to drop the case because he said I agreed to sex and since I was drunk and didn’t really remember anything that I could of possibly said yes to sex. She believed his word more than mine. Everyday is hard and I still have nights where i wake up screaming crying. I was raped but that’s not who I am. I lost myself for awhile but him raping me doesn’t identify who I am. I still haven’t found it in my heart to forgive him. I just wish he knew how mad he messed up my life. No one deserves to go through that. I do pray that God will revile his truth.
— Survivor, age 19
Survivor – you are a BRAVE HERO. Getting the rape kit done is a very brilliant, strong, heroic action. The “Investigator” is an incompetent unprofessional stupid person, she is probably burnt out in her job because yes it’s a hard job. please do not let her define the way your case goes. You have done so much, please keep going in working thru your case. I do not know the details about this kind of thing but i want to learn. Also – please do not let the criminal take away your education, talk to a counselor, talk to someone professional. It is NOT he said/she said because you were NOT able to consent. I am sorry to say your step brother is also a part of this crime and him crying about it will never change that. This was only 5 months ago – flag this page you write about because it could help you legally at some point – it’s called an ‘ excited utterance” – it means you are sincerely truthful and emotional about what happened to you – you were raped. And it takes guts and courage to think about that reality on your part – you are doing EVERYTHING right! Because you were compromised it will be harder to prosecute the case but in my opinion from reading your words, if anyone can accomplish this – you can because you are smart and strong. Also – we are in a day and time where people are listening to women more regarding predators – usually guys who set women up – manipulate them into getting drunk/drugged and then committing the crime of rape. BOTH your step brother and his friend did this together – no wonder your step brother is crying – he probably did not think you were brave enough to go after them ! About “forgiving” – you are not under an obligation to forgive the perpetrator and if you choose to, he still needs to meet his legal obligations of punishment etc for his crime.YOU are not to blame – THEY are, you could not consent and they knew that and did what they did ON PURPOSE! Get counseling on how to get closure in your heart soul and legally also – and let us know here what happens – and there are many resources here as you can see. Finally I will join you in a prayer that God will reveal his will and truth for you and protect you and love you always, as you are worth the best in life – stay strong !!!
Dear survivor – thank you so much for sharing your story. First I want to say that I BELIEVE YOU. I know that there are people who don’t and it makes me so angry. But I do. I also want to say that what happened wasn’t your fault and you’re right that no one – including you – deserves to go through rape. You are absolutely right that being raped isn’t who you are, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t hurting. If you’re still struggling with nightmares or any emotions around what happened, I would strongly encourage you, when you’re ready, to talk to a therapist or a counselor about what happened. They can help you work through it and give you tools for helping with nightmares. They can also help you forgive him for what he did if that’s something you want to do. Five months feels like forever but healing takes a long time. You can do it though, I believe in you. Sending you lots of love and support, Alexis
Sharon’s right… about everything. It’s horrible that they didn’t believe you and I’m sorry you had to go through this, being drunk doesn’t mean anyone can touch you whenever and wherever they want. Yhis wasn’t your fault and I promise the guy who did this is going to pay for it. Just stay strong and don’t give up on yourself, for your future and for other survivors like you. You are not a victim. You are a survivor. And you’ll always have support in so many different places. Don’t forget you’re not alone and you never will be, don’t hesitate to reach out for help, ever. It may not feel like it now but you’re gonna be okay. I know you will, just stay strong ok? Please, trust me on that, you’re going to make it through this.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Your story reminds me of mine very much. 4 yrs or so ago I was invited to hang out with some ppl from work, I was in need of social interaction so I agreed. We went out for drinks and then after headed to someone’s apartment. I remember I was so drunk that I stepped in that persons pet food bowl and had spilled her dogs water all over my ankle, I remember right after I went and sat down on the couch and every one else was playing Madden but after that I don’t remember anything except for waking up to a guy saying in aloud voice “DONT COME OUT HERE!” took me a while to realize what was going on but my jeans where down to my ankles and my legs where up in the air and a guy was also on his knees and penetrating me. I was so drunk that I passed out again and woke up a couple of hrs later fully dressed and still drunk. I was so confused and didn’t know if what I remembered was real or a dream. I went home and went straight to my bathroom, sat down and was going to shower but then I remembered… I was on my period and had used a tampon so I reached to pull it out but I couldn’t find it… that’s the moment i realized i had been raped. I have yet to tell anyone. For the past 4 years it has been eating up slowly and painfully. I too wish this individual knew how much he ruined my life. I’m not the same person I was. He stole my identity.
Thank you for sharing. I am a professor and I’m working on a book featuring first person accounts of sexual assault by manipulation. Could I talk with you about your story? Thank you.