When I was 5/6 years old I was friends with a girl with a brother who was a year older than us. He was always so nasty to me (picked me apart, called me names) for absolutely no reason! However when we were by ourselves, he was weirdly nice to me. One day I’d gone over my friends’ house and her brother said he wanted to show me something. He wanted me to go behind the couch in the family room. I did as I was told. He then proceeded to put his hands down my shirt and touch me inappropriately. I thought it was definitely odd but I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to do. I’ve never outwardly told anyone that. And I let it go.
About 7 years ago, I mistakenly reconnected with this guy through Facebook (bad news.). Wish I never did. I accepted his friend request but never really talked. One night he started I.m.-Ing me and started asking me personal questions. Then it became more complicated.(there’s a whole other part of the story I can’t get into.) He then would instruct me to meet him in various places. For almost a month I was mentally, emotionally abused by him and I wasn’t even in a relationship with him. He sexually assaulted me a handful of times in different ways in the period of a month. I never have told my friends not even my family what happened to me. I understand it wasn’t my fault. However I feel extremely digusted I still feel. I cannot have a normal relationship with a man. I constantly feel like they can see right through me.
I just want to stop feeling like this. (Tarnished, unlovable)