Kept From Us

My mom’s side of the family is my family through and through. There’s about 60 of us that get together every major holiday since before I was born. We call each other of the phone and talk on Facebook. We are all really close. We all love each other and seemed like a great family. My mom is one of 9. 2 boys and 7 girls. My grandfather passed away more then 15 years ago. My grandmother passed only 4 years ago. My grandma passing is still very hard for me and the rest of the family.

This past weekend my mom and her sisters and brothers got together to go through the rest of my grandparents stuff. My dad didn’t want to go and when i asked why he was very upset and didn’t want to tell me. Eventually he told me that he had a very big problem with my grandpa and didn’t want any of his stuff in our house. This is the first bad thing I have EVER heard about my grandpa. I was confused. The short time I knew him he was great. Everyone loved him. And they all still do. Missing him and visiting his grave. Then I asked my did what’s going on. He told me that he raped my mom from the time she was 7 till the time she was 12. And that he had to a few more of my aunties as well.

I would have never thought this. Never would have imagined this would have been happening. Me and my dad talked more and My mom and my grandma were always fighting when she still lived in the house. And it’s because of what grandpa did. Grandma knew and she blamed my mom for what happened. She fought, and yelled and hit my mom because she said it was her fault.

How could my grandparents that I’ve held so high my whole life have such an awful secret. How could my parents allow me to love them and be part of their lives when they did such awful things to my mom. I don’t understand. And now my idea of grandpa had changed. And since i was so young when he passed that’s not even that upsetting to me it’s my view of my grandma. I love her and to me before this weekend she was an amazing loving person. And now to me she’s just as to blame as my grandpa.

I’ve been told that what i found out can NEVER be mentioned to anyone. So no one talks about it. What am i to do. This has to have some effect on my mom, right? Actually after my grandma passed away mom has been going through what I thought as a mid life crises, going out dancing, drinking, traveling often. Leaving my dad home almost every weekend. Maybe she’s finally free from everything that’s happened? but It’s not good what she’s doing. She’s spending money she doesn’t have, She’s leaving my dad at home by himself. And he’s trying to be supportive but it’s getting to him. he’s lonely and hurt. And mom doesn’t seem to care. She’s changed since Grandma passed.

So I don’t know what to do. Do I keep on like i was before i knew. Do you think that her change in behavior would have anything to do with what happened to her when she was young? I want to help her. And now how to I view my grandma? I alway thought that if there’s a heaven that i would meet up with my grandparents one day. But now I hope that they are in hell for what they did.